what?

2008-11-28T20:25:00.002+08:00

felt that i should give a proper note before i run away from home. probably a farewell too.

say hello to darcinette.lj !

*throws confetti*

see you on the flip side :D

pantene shampoo smells like honeydew.

2008-11-27T16:33:00.003+08:00

I am finally done with WZBQW! Had an overdose of mingdao today, which is very bad by the way. How huh?! I'm nuaing really much these days - not doing anything except going for training, eat, sleeping and computering. Gah! I'm not even exercising on my own! the only time i'm actually exercising is during contact and touch - other than that, it's just more of sleeping and nua nua nua!

My mom is having an issue with my gender. HAHAHAH.

mom: sometimes i really don't know whether the baby i had 18 years ago is a girl or a boy!

But i've been wearing skirts all my life in school man! So i am a girl, though at times, i do forget that imma girl, but oh well, it's okay lah. too girlish is pretty repulsive (yes, even girls find it repulsive!)

in blacks, most of the girls have short hair, and im contemplating. short hair is definitely way easier to maintain and there isn't a need for me to tie my fringe up, looking like a new breed of the canine family. the fringe wouldn't be killing me by causing mini-volcanoes to form on my forehead (i like smooth and silky) i wouldn't feel so dirty then and my mom would definitely stop nagging about those pimples on my face. GAH! that would definitely be such a relief im telling ya.

(i highly suspect my mom actually wants me to join ballet. no kidding)

could have went back to msia to visit cousins and grandma and aunts, but decided not to for being a calafare is a waste of time and natural resources (YES), and i have trainings. moreover the main aim of this trip back, initiated by my aunt was to allow cousin-in-law to be introduced to them. ha ha, i do hope that there will not be any domestic war, afterall, 2 of my female cousins (and they're sisters! ftw!) are somewhat attracted to this male cousin of mine who is soon to be married! how exciting!

[i just whacked a mosquito off my leg and its dead! and it's the black and white legs species!!]

my body isn't aching as much as i thought it would have been. thanks to the leg stretching thing that goes in every direction. ha ha, i like it! but my waist area hurts, a couple of bruises and stuff, bahh. this kind of injury - shiok.

i'm blabbering like a machine gun at point blank.

i need money to buy canter shorts, fbt shorts, films, cameras, clothes, contact lens, blah#1, blah#2 and blah*#3...

need money = need job.

blah = infinite wants = scarcity

gasps!

2008-11-25T22:57:00.004+08:00

I guess, you're not so strong afterall, since you do, believe in fairytales - even the slightest bit. To a certain extent, you still believe that there's that special someone out there, waiting. &then you cringe at the sight of this entry, and the video embedded, not believing that a girl like you, a hardcore fan of MCR would actually like such a stuf - A Cinderella Story. But it's okay, there's a flip side to everyone. I actually miss this side of you.

You'd probably thought that you're Androphobic too. What's new? You once thought you're gay. HAHA

Speechless, yet amusing.

2008-11-24T19:56:00.000+08:00

Sighs.

run baby, run, don't ever look back

2008-11-23T19:42:00.003+08:00

today is love. very very very very love.

rugby is like an adjective, noun, verb, adverb.

you can like "hey, im rugbying now" , "do you rugby?" "i play rugby", "that was rugbifying awesome!" (okay, i coined up the last one myself)

today's happiness can never be put to words. it's too great, overwhelming and everything good. though i hope that my forearm won't swell up, can kinda feel the heat emitting out and slight reddening now. :S that angmoh boy was just too hard. im serious. HAHAH. brigette looks like one of them when she was playing sevens with them. so funneh.

im like a super happy girl, there's nothing to complain! with such a life, it's pretty fulfilling. contact trainings on wed night and sunday afternoon with scorching hot sun, touch rugby with the usuals on sats. plus photog, and maybe working at somewhere like fish & co, or sweelee, woahhh. if only i could do this forever - thought im not very sure if i can keep myself alive with my excessive spending on irrelevant items. bahh. but still! if this is for the long term, i've gotta tell my mom that im actually playing rugby, not baseball, or ruby. and yes, it's a matter of time that she needs to sign the insurance form. i didn't even tell her about playing contact today, i merely said i was chilling out with friends and going to their house. but i supposed my dad told her, and surprisingly her response wasn't too bad.

"stop playing ruby (rugby, she meant), heavy rain."

okay what right!? step one, im more that satisfied. (: and she surprisingly called me to ask if i wanted to get hamsters, since at her work place, there's people giving their baby hamsters. so exciting!

okay, im still in the contact rugby mood. HAHA!

It's over and I'm freeeeeeee!

2008-11-22T20:50:00.003+08:00

It's over baby! It's overrrrrr! :D I was so damn happy yesterday!

After literature P5, some of the classmates and I went to PS to eat swensens! So megafrickingexciting! After being out of civilisation for don't know how many months (don't even remember when's the last time i went town), it felt great to be in the shopping mall, NOT heading towards a bookshop to buy pens(PLURAL!) or some 10 year series for econs or something like that. Bwahaha! I wasn't even rushed for time. I totally got blown away at the sight of so many things to buy and some many things to look at, things that could have make my awesome holidays more awesome!!

For the first time in my life, I saw colours ~~in your eyes~~ CORNY AH! MELIKESIT!

A's can kiss my bloody fat cellulite ass goodbye! (it won't be cellulite next time im telling ya!)

Now, it's like Rugby, Photography, Electric Guitaring, Drumming, Work, Sleep & Catching up!! Needa save like alot of monehhhhh to buy loads of stuff. SLR, Haversacks, films, Fuji instant cam, Electric guitar, Nintendo/PSP, havaianas, boots!

OMG, speaking of boots, I got a feeling my beloved black adidas boots gonna die soon! yes! that pair that brought me all the happiness, scored a few tries and got stepped on by bigger people than me! :( poor thing. I don't think I'll ever throw em away. On the lighter side, won some lucky draw and received a $100 adidas voucher! :D It's just meant to be. (:

And and and contact rugby training is coming! NO! IT'S HERE!! It's just tomorrow! HAHAHAHA. WOAH! I CANNOT TAKE IT I WANT TO SCREAM!! This is life and I'm loving it! but there's one thing - that i cannot tell my mom about it. she doesn't ~~really~~ accept rugby, or more of her daughter playing rugby. but whatever it is!

Nothing can contain my excitement now! I feel so woahhhhhh to the extent that i think i will have a outburst of happiness on my dad and pyscho him to get me some stuff! Just the other day my dad offered to get me canterbury shorts!! CANTERBURY! :D but i rejected. i must have been possessed. But it's okay! I'll share it with teamies, since it's like 3 for 80?

Hello! since yesterday, Lynette has been the happiest girl in her 18 years of her life!

anyway, sometimes i think i'm a little wrongly screwed up there. i get the gleeful and happy feeling whenever i see a couple that i know, especially if they're both good looking and look so great and nice together. awesome personality tops it off. i get this "awwwww so cute.." kind of feeling and will end up smiling to myself the entire day if i'm reminded of them in any certain way. it gets a little creepy when you think hard about it, i'm like an outright stalker. actually, no lah, most of them are people who are friends with me. but still, it's a little weirdddddd. but neh mind, it makes me happy so ok!.

i just 'renovated' my room - dumped alot alot alot of stuff.

i'm filled with void now. but the void's gonna get filled tmr :D

why?

2008-11-20T21:56:00.002+08:00

In an attempt to celebrate POST A's all by myself, with my poly friends. They probably won't understand how I'd feel, how liberated I'd feel after 2 brown years. THEREFORE, I'll wear coloured contacts and act doe-eyed for tmr's celebration for Pseng's birthday. I only have grey. So grey lor. Maybe I should like go to the worst place ever to tan - which is the swimming pool before pseng's celebration. White skin + coloured contacts = AH LIAN.

After A's, no. I won't dye my entire head brown - like Adrian cheeee. Or intend to dye chunks of my hair brown/purple - like cynthia lim. HAHAHA. i thought of being shocking by just dyeing the under part of my fringe red, but then again, it was an impulsive thing, i promise i won't harbour such thoughts anymore, i swear.

Im currently living life with nokia 3100.

Live Life. WOOTX

& tell me why am i blogging now?

2008-11-20T04:28:00.003+08:00

SO here I am, at 430am, studying lit - for a few hours already. me is getting bored. anyway, i can't really wait to catch the sunrise for thursday:D deb says the transition night to day is gooooood. and me, being all kiasu in life have decided to NOT give such a fantastic moment a miss. should learn how to appreciate life and not take things for granted, even though they're free (cringes). skali one day you wake up and there's no more sun, and all we ruggers would be doing would be midnight sevens baby!

-on a weight gaining scheme- couldn't restrain myself from not putting this in.

i'm kinda hungry now, with a messed up tangled hair. sun rise! feel like sitting in the living room while i wait for the crack of dawn. but then, i scared got ghost. HAHAHAHA. (im serious).

ghost = scared = shocking = fainting = cannot take lit paper. (WALAO. AND MISS LIBERATION DAY!? YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING).

should appreciate my nonsense right now. i think during holidays, i'll be very busy doing shit. so enjoy, the presence of yours truly while you can because very soon *sniffsniff, you might be looking at mr spidey instead of me :(

you wouldn't want that to happen right.

lastly, from the art people's all time favourite commando:

-still on a weight gaining scheme-

2008-11-19T22:01:00.002+08:00

My 7 months old baby.

Online experts call it "the Blue Ring of Death". Something like Harry Potter and the Goblet of fire. Feel like changing phone already. SE has been giving loads of problems. I really want a 8250/3310 phone. buy that for me for xmas will you?

on the other hand, i don't feel like buying a lousy phone by trading this baby in. therefore, samsung soul? how's that sound? no omnia. lynette and stylus can click.

gonna sleep and wake up later to partner deb and lear. nights (:

2008-11-19T01:43:00.002+08:00

stress = excessive plucking of hair
stress = multiple blog entries per day
stress = want to kill people
stress = want to sleep now

seeing art friends before 2pm tmr = stress
seeing art friends after 5pm tmr = mini liberation.

seeing cynthia on thursday = stress

seeing classmates before 8am = stress
seeing classmates after 11am = BLOOODY LIBERATION.

seeing the sat ruggers on saturday = no stress.
seeing the sat ruggers on saturday = happy

seeing some other people on saturday = nonchalance

now=stress
now=sleepy

now= this is so childish.

if only,

2008-11-18T22:51:00.003+08:00

SO NOT HELPING.

if only liukang was LIKE THAT, we won't have to like suffer now.

wanna catch twilight - Cedric Diggory's acting. ever since his appearance in HP & the goblet of fire (which he died! gasps! and i wasn't happy with it!), i've been on a watch for this guy's movies. probably missed a few, but i supposed not twilight, since there's such excessive adverts on it. (even grace's promoting it!) & i still haven't watch the coffin, my ananda everingham! william says its not scary (he claims that nothing is scary, bah), but just shocking (-.-). oh god. tell you all a sekret, the last time i watch a movie was the return of the mummy. before that was the dark knight, and before that, i think it's spideyman 3. i live in a well, i know.

(this is most probably one of the most bimbotic moments in my life, stating what i wanna watch. and what i wanna watch doesn't really sound so mature/knowledgable. but oh well, who cares) the only serious/mature/solemn movies that i've wacthed was the nativity(teo kar huai!) and letters from iwo jima (TEOKARHUAI!!!) but they were pretty nice (:

(so many brackets = so many thoughts= so many conflicts = so pissed off)

p.s: i wanna buy the book twilight too!

Daily Routines.

2008-11-18T01:03:00.003+08:00

It's a daily routine for me to study my ass off outside. procrastinate a little(shucks, understatement, like totally), eat like free(another understatement), daydream a lil( another detected!) and get back home to study(right,) during the night again. i'm pretty amazed at the efficiency rate during the night as it's really really more productive... but ghosts stories aren't really helping cos the make me imagine a lil too much and scare the shit outta me.

now im wondering, if i can actually remember all my art stuff in this brain of mine. gah

it's a daily routine lah.

i also think it's a daily routine for this bangala to masturbate at the void deck of a block, which is a few blocks away from mine, near this bus stop that i always take bus from. i see him sitting at the same exact spot twice, doing the exact bobbing motion and stared at people, as if whatever he was doing in public DESERVES to be seen in public, and of course, that whatever he was doing was the RIGHT thing to do. i rolled my eyes at him for god knows how many times. so much for foreign talent. SO MUCH. though common and shared, the void deck is not a place for you to do unorthodox things. a couple kissing at a void deck would have caused an uproar amidst the older neighbours because private matters like that should be kept in your bedroom. i mean, not that i don't know of your sexual need.. away from homeland.. deprived of girls looking at you with a seductive stare.. so many hot girls lingering around but you have zero chances of having any contact with them.. but still! PCC-ing in public is disgusting!! and a form a visual harrassment. my mom wanted to kick him the other time. HAHAHAH. but still, eeew?

i'm not being racist here. if a chinese/angmoh did such a stuff in public, this entry would still surface. even good looking people don't have the right to PCC in public, much less a not good looking one (IMO that is). ya la ya la superficial, how? no, on a more serious note, i actually felt like calling the police.

okay. enough of such sexual talks. i need my guru. and excessive application of masks. bye

FOTD #3

2008-11-16T21:08:00.002+08:00

Inside joke lah. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. me and my mei rong shi fu.

2008-11-16T14:22:00.002+08:00

2 toe nails broke.
1 on-the-verge.
Muscle aches.
Tired/sleepy.

Worth it. (:

But I can't let go.

It's feels fucking awesome.

2008-11-15T23:04:00.003+08:00

It feels good to be back on the field after a whole more than 3 months break. I must say, those 3 months were horrible. I led those 3 months aimlessly, always cooping myself up in the art room, tolerating and swallowing all criticisms, scoldings and pressures, without having an outlet to vent them out. I couldn't even run because art ends around 9pm everyday. Adding to my misery was The House, which was, at that point of time known to be the most unfeeling and detached place I've ever been to. School, at least, I had friends. House, nothing, except frequent tolerating of frustrations that were being emitting out from certain spots.

Though foreign, there's still a sense of belonging we felt. Never had we played on that pitch before as we had the "luxury" of our school's awesome field where we can dive and do whatever, not in public. I miss them. I miss those army boys that always play with us, and the teamies. It was until today that I realised that their presence, though minimal, like once a week, is able to have a huge impact on the entire week. Their nonsense - incomparable. Though irritating, but still hilarious. Though army men, but they behave like boys (though they're damn wishy washy), like we've known each other for a very long time and we're just gathering to catch up on lives through playing on the pitch. I like. It's kinda hard to describe such highly positive feeling, but all could be summed up in a single sentence:

I felt damn freaking happy today.

Prove the phrase wrong, that happy moments do not last long.

We'll make this last.
We'll make this last.

We Will.

FOTD #2 + Missing Ball Pump.

2008-11-14T23:19:00.004+08:00

Not exactly a failure.. but still!

Wah, I can't seem to find my ball pump, just when I told william that i'll bring it! Shitass. I think he'll kill meeeeeeeeee. :( I think it's because my room's too neat (irony detected, yes, alot of ironies in my life. It's an ironical life I lead). Maybe, I should stop cleaning my room. HAHAHAHA NO IM KIDDING. But argh! Where's that ball pump! Wilson brand somemore!! Must be tennis!!!! MR K! ALL YOUR FAULT AH TENNIS BOY!!

Ok, I really want my air pump now. I want to play ball tmr. Stupid ass pump.

-finding-

Okay, found it beside the phone. I ~~must have been~~ am blind. Irritating lo. Eh, sometimes right, I really wanna blog seriously. Some blogs that I've read right, the bloggers are like damn serious from the way they blog about their life:

Woke up 8am~ so early lohh..
bathed and everything, took about half an hour...
then went out to school..
almost missed the bus sia! lucky i walked fast enough.
then damn suay, the bus no seat,
have to wait till all the way...
left about 3 more stops to school..
then I sat..
siann lohhh...

Eh, do not laugh. This is serious business okay. They're so serious about elaborating their lives to you readers out there.! Must appreciate.

disclaimer: if the above quote has any similarities with your blog, it's purely coincidental as the blogger(me) herself typed out that paragraph. she does not wish to have any dispute over this apparently A+ quote and would love to have world peace. V(^_^)V

Okay, I'm absolutely being stupid now.

I think there'll be more FOTDs tmr, considering the fact with whom am I hanging out with for the day. HAHAHA. Eh I tell you, I think I got memory loss, can't seem to remember things that I did less than an hour ago. Like now, I can't remember what cynthia and I were talking about at macs just now, though we're like laughing like ass. :(

(rolls eyes) - for ada. IM EXASPERATED, LIKE TOTALLY! :D

2008-11-13T16:07:00.004+08:00

Dear Holga, say hi to your new best friend, VivitarUWS (:

Me is very happy, got it yesterday! I need space to hide things in my room. But speaking of yours truly's room, it's in a huge mess right now, my mom says it looks like a store room, which I AGREE to a LARGE EXTENT. Kena already la. Because it's like when you enter the room from the door (the only way), you get to see a huge display of books on my table, which is not a very nice view lo. :(

I can't wait for saturday, gonna scandal with gilbert. wuahahaha. And i'm gonna bring one of this babies out. I think vivitaruws, holga a bit big, somemore it's like im gonna play rugby, i might just kick off my $80. GAH. Films are so freaking expensive in singapore. I wanna go over the seas to get em at a freaking cheap price lahhhhhhhh

Failure of the day (FOTD) #1

2008-11-10T22:51:00.007+08:00

sorry, couldn't take it. sneezy nose + cramps + bad bad bad headache + weight gaining isn't a very good combination for such a day, though it does make me more focused in econs as i'll be so damn lazy to move about except screaming at myself for NOT taking more tissue. other than that, it's stalling my brain(sighs, irony detected - brain has always been stalled), thus, i've turned to my good ol' buddy, acer aspire to relief myself(literally dude)

gonna come up with something lame on this blog, soon. (then again, hasn't it always been lame?) was inspired by all those fashion beauty and make up blogs where they teach girls how to apply makeup correctly or what hairdo suits what face or what design should certain people avoid and everything about being vain and layering cakes of lead on your face. (yes, sighs, lynette goes to such places when she's bored. ok lyinglying liarrrrrrrrrrrr. "honest" ~~Iago~~)

i've managed to 'punned' something from there. all your fault la deb. you and your puns. but nehmind, me likes.

FOTD (to them-the makeup gurus there, it means(methinks) ''Face of the day", which implies that they'll submit a 'face' that they did. ahya, grandmother lee doesn't really know how to explain, but it's like breaking down the steps for this 'face' that you've layered with makeup on that particular day for everyone to see. yah.) OKAY. chill me will not put horrible caked up faces of yours truly on this already depressing, with a dry and weird sense of humor blog. i don't want to be the reason.....

for the increase in teenage suicides. thanks alot. (but then again, not alot people read... so perhaps i should.......)

NO LA. MY FOTD MEANS "FAILURE OF THE DAY"

you guys have no balls about how lame and idiotic and failing a day of mine can get whenever im out of the house (that's why im always lazing at home. super nuable. ok sidetracking) i can encounter so many degrees of 'fail' to the extent that i feel like a total failure (i am not okay). so im here to spread my sorrow, and accepting more people into the fail club.

just when you thought this was bad enough....

" d(^_^)b"

"hey how did you get that inverted 'b'?"

"its called 'd'"

yes. the world isn't really a smart place afterall.

oh, and to start the opening ceremony of my most awesome and lamest thing that i would ever do in 18 years and on of my life, my bosom friend - Orange Peel shall grace the honour. oh, O.P is friends with deb and lisa too. (no, its not the same packet that i bought 2 months ago. wuahaha)

surname-tan skin.

oh, and while taking this photo, i realised it's a product of china. oh melamine! die you lucifer! leave thy gall bladder you stones. make me pee in peace!!

i love my k750i and im looking forward to further downgrade my handphone! fensi/fan has NOKIA 3310!! OMG I LUB THAT PHONE. colourless and still can change the provider into some weird cartoons one. me likes. but too bad he's an ass in that aspect and refuses to lend wifey. which means i can't steal it from her. assss. i want to play snake.

ps: my mom is listening to wanglihong's weiyi. TRENDY OR WHAT!!? SCRAPE THAT! she's listening to jaychou's jian dan ai now! OMGAHHHHHH.

bye, got a date with sloman. awesome kickass

2008-11-10T21:23:00.002+08:00

so damn freaking tired
until you go through it
you'll never know what it feels

help.

My awesome deal.

2008-11-07T18:09:00.004+08:00

That's Me in my blissful face, in the infamous pjs and awesome camera(:

OMG, I finally got my hands on this beloved thing. Now, I need to find a secret hiding place for it. I need to protect it from 2 people, namely me and and my mom. From my mom as she doesn't know about her daughter's excessive spending on this despite getting her a canon digicam (&she'll never understand why would I want a film camera, as compared to the current digicam i have). And from me, till A's are done. Because of spending more than $100 bucks on the site, the seller gave me a roll of film free, therefore, I have every urge to to just slot the film in and start taking pictures like mad cow, thank god cynthia was there today to stop me. HAHAHAHA. My dad, well, I don't really think he cares about all these crap. HAHAHA. Eh it looks like a toy camera hor! SO cute!! Cynthia has eventually got the photog bug and will be buying the same camera as me, but in blue(people so guniang...) Sometimes, I wonder if she's buying for the result (images&process of taking them) or just because it looks too cute to resist. Wuahahah. I'm gonna get a bunch more!! So wait up! I'll be taking pictures of THEM soon (when they arrive that is).

Been eating non-stop. Wootx. Eat. Drink coffee and tea like free. Wootxzx. That's a photo taken long time ago. Many (typical) girls hate to have their photo taken when they're eating, I guess I'm not that typical afterall.
Ciao! Hokkien prawn noodle with lime!! ART MOMENTS.

The Word of the Day: Disgusting

2008-11-06T22:34:00.003+08:00

I'm probably one of the emo-est kids around nowadays. Besides roaming around for a good spot to study together with cynthia, I've also been roaming around the net, surfing for fun cameras that produces special effects - ah yes, running away. Imma full time escapist so exciting. I'm a coward, it's disgusting.

I'm so disgusted with everything to the extent that I just wanna die - not a very good escape route, but we shall just make do with whatever that presents themselves infront of us, afterall, beggars can't be choosers right? I've been reading PnP and it's so ironic that I can fall in love with something so corny in today's term, especially the part when Darcy and Elizabeth cleared the air and started being slightly lovey-dovey. I was totally in-to it man. Like what Ms Thiang says "it's so romantic, it's digusting" It's not really advisable to read PnP and Othello in the same day either, Othello gets my heart pumping very very fast, like how I feel before a rugby game starts and it simply makes me feel like murdering people. 2 contrasting emotions, can drive you mad, especially when you have a slightly eccentric friend who went into a trance when we saw tay pinghui.

I got to know of polaroid instant cameras only when i heard the news of them halting the production of their instant films which immediately made me felt like hell. But I've found a new substitute for it (thanks to jayjay). And effing $115 for the cam, and $1.30/film. 70c may not make much of a significant difference in a few pictures, but when i'm talking about few stacks of photo, i'm talking about a significant deficit in my bank account there. Just right there.

People are pretty insensitive. Stop thinking that being in a JC is a big fuck.

I've been feeling a little apathetic after that fateful day. I wonder if am I in a state of denial or what.

I want my Blackbird Fly Holga Camera. Wuahahaha. Speaking of which, my Holga 120GCFN is here. Awesome. I wanna take pics of so many things. You know what, perhaps I should adopt the perspective of my art teacher. Quit everything and be a florist. Haha. Eh, wait. She has a DEGREE in NTU, I have a o level cert from pingyi (WHERE IS THAT OMG!?)

2008-11-01T22:41:00.002+08:00

Some of the smses that I've received from all over the network. I had to reread all of them to feel good.. and motivated.. and that it's a real liberation day waiting once this shit is over.

Lynette,

no matter what happens, you must stay strong and firm cos things will definitely be better one day. You have friends for you always. Cheer Up

KahJun aka Lee Da Bian aka BrotherLEEEE

kjkjkjkjkj.

To my camp pinn gang.. 2006 was a year full of excitement and of catching up with you guys.. I enjoyed the holiday that we've spent together and the memories. However, 2007 is calling and I hope to answer the new year with a promise to know all of you even better. 2007 will be the year of the hot nerd and you guys will be there to witness it. Love you all.

zicky.

I miss zicko & my camp pinn gang, :(

Great game today. Sorry I couldn't stay, I wanted to but I needed to be back home. Hope to see you in action again! (:

13 years and on huh. (:

Hey, I'm really proud of you guys, exp for the last game that showed alot of heart and it was wonderful watching you guys from the sideline. Now you guys have a game you'll always remember. Heh

Coach.

I.MISS.RUGBY and derelyn screaming at us (yes, screaming) at the sidelines. with wookie under her umbrella, ella ella eh eh eh.

2008-10-28T18:42:00.003+08:00

Recent interest in Male's perfume.
Mom&Dad doesn't understand why.
They think it's for someone.
But actually, that someone is me.
I like the smell.
It's nice.
It has this soft,
musky alittle,
not very masculine,
yet in a way still smells masculine enough,
to be categorise under "Men's" type
of smell.
It lingers around,
does a few magic tricks of disappearing act,
but comes back full force
when you're looking for it.

It smells like Mr Darcy. Not that I know how does Mr Darcy(Colin Firth/Matthew Macfadyen) smells like. But I like to imagine. I like to think. I like to think too much. I think I think too much.

I like my Dad's CK One perfume. I think I'm gonna steal it from him. He has his other Hugo Boss & Burberry anyway. Gah. My mom bought me Elizabeth Arden's True Love(-.-) few years back. It smells very Mademoiselle. I just a teenage girl looking for fun. (: It's like buying feilaoshi a silkygirl perfume.

B-) [I'm cool, I know I am]

So much for waking up early to study huh.

(choppy sentences. wootx)

to my very very happening half.

2008-10-26T22:09:00.004+08:00

I lub my happening wife. Although she has MrNum now, but I still lub her. (: She should stay happy and strong, afterall, being a nurse is definitely something huge and not easily achieved and not easily done. Gah. She's hating school, and so am I, but I don't really have to go for classes anymore, as compared to her, where her new sem/term just started. It's okay, we all know school sucks. Remember during secondary 4, we had a week of cold war? I can't really remember what happened, but it was a hard week. It's kinda ironic when we were in secondary 4 and we're thinking about courses in poly. We wanted to go to HTM, but look where we are at now - definitely somewhere that we never imagined. The good thing was that though we eventually pursued different things, we still kept in touch, we met up, we chat over the phone and we say and do stupid stuff. I think it's in our blood. Then again, we're pretty telepathic to the extent that it's pretty scary. I think we're also pretty weird in the sense that we can call each other over the phone, and don't really say much. There was once when we called each other, together on msn iming one another links that have cool games and we ended up on miniclip, playing sushi roll while still on the phone. HAHA. It's probably not something I can do with everybody, because I find it a chore to talk to people when I have nothing to talk about and they keep blabbering nonstop. But hey, for me and her, it's like knowing that we're on the ends of the phone is enough. It's kinda hard to elaborate, but I think she gets my flow.

She's feeling stressed now, due to certain reasons and weird restrictions that were suddenly implaced upon her. But hey, me is just a phonecall away. You can hear me reading math formulas to you and yeah, I can hear about your brain and heart stuff(eh, I used to be very tok kong in heart&blood during bio ok. what plasma and thrombokinase and friends ^^) and in the end, we'll end up talking about shit stuff. (:

&if Mr num dares to do anything, I'll spear him end of this year(BWAHAHAHA), because by then, I would have picked up contact rugby and can tackle him in the right way, so that no major injuries will be inflicted on him and he still can amend his mistakes. Ahya, this statement is redundant, I trust my no.1 fan - in a way - at least he isn't a "monster" (you know)

Jannie, the clique, coterie, some classmates and rugby mates(including our 2 coaches and awesomest teacher incharge - MR RA), are the best things that happened in my 18 years of my life.

&chenqwahqwah, you're the first(:

<3 i wouldn't trade you for anything else in the world.

eh, you should be very touched ok, i don't think i will ever type this to any other person, not even mrbf(future) (:

Pollution, from various dubious sources.

2008-10-24T13:27:00.002+08:00

So, as I was stumbling home yesterday, trying my best to avoid puddles of water and rain from entering my sore sore eye, I overheard this conversation between this mother and a young son, like about 2 or 3yrs - which was quite common in the first place, to begin with, if you happen to live in a HDB flat with common void decks.

Son: *refuses to open his mouth*
Mother: Open your mouth!
Son: *refuses to budge*
Mother: You better eat ah!! If not police come and catch you!!

That reminded me of the younger days when my mom would always stuff food into my mouth, unknowingly and very very randomly. HAHAHA. Anyway, I'm going off track. The thing was, when that scene was playing right infront of my eyes, I was actually thinking of another possible scenario, if I happen to rule the world, or a country.

Son: *refuses to open his mouth*
Mother: Open your mouth!
Son: *refuses to budge*
Mother: You better eat ah!! If not i send you to a JC then you know!!

k lah k lah, as you all can clearly see that I'm being really anal about school and this major dragondemonlucifersatanmrsphayjc1disciplinemasterschool thing called the A levels. But seriously, I totally hate it when people say "Ahyah, this one you brought it upon yourself what, who ask you to choose jc, when you're good enough to enter a poly?"

C'mon man, SR was mine 9th choice. To put it crudely, Imma poly reject. wootx

So I suggest you better shut your gap before I stuff it with seaweeds from sentosa island. And speaking of sentosa, ~~people~~couples should never go there and attempt to bop up and down in the water, it's wrong. Innocent people like me and my friends are actually suffering from this negative externality that you couples have failed to recognise. I mean, hello? do you want to play in sperm-infected water? No ah, thank you. Singapore's seasides are in a bad condition already, with your adding of 'spices' and 'herbs', it's not helping, brother. And not that swimming pools are of a better choice because they contain a high percentage of chlorine, therefore able to disinfect. In general, bopping up and down and doing unorthodox stuff under waters is really very unorthodox.

Tsk, grown up stuff. Abstinence pls. (deb, go show your power)

2008-10-23T20:42:00.003+08:00

If I ever have the chance to be a judge......

Judge/ME: I hereby pronounce you as guilty for the murder of XXXX XX XXX and sentence you to a life-long imprisonment in a tertiary institution a.k.a. Junior College. You will take the GCE A' LEVELS 24 times, go through promotional exams 24 times and change your subject combination each time you finish your A levels. You're supposed to be an Arts Student for 12 times and a science student for another 12 times. You are not allowed to score anything below a B for your A levels, so as to ensure that you qualify for a less competitive course in the university. There will be no chance of you going on the Global Classroom trip as I refuse to spend any money on you. You have to go through torturous lengthy GP tutorials and lectures, and boring math lectures and weekly assemblies. Oh, you have to take H2 art as one of your subjects EVERY YEAR.

The school you'll be entering will be further confirmed, but till date, these are the confirmed surroundings: you'll have THAT indian security guard that refuses to allow you into school if you wear slippers or shorts (newly added), this very irritating teacher that cares for the J1s, and from what I know, he is the discipline master. A female chinese teacher that will ensure that you tuck in your shirt, an army-minded principal that will convert the school into a military camp and awesome friends who backstab, are cowards, no integrity, bitchy and fake.

Oh, and lastly, your shirt needs to be tucked just right under your breasts.

And your sentence starts, with effect from tomorrow onwards, as I am too busy for you.

Have a fantastic day.

I've been fighting to let you go.

2008-10-21T20:24:00.003+08:00

Finally a member of LomotionSG. I swear I can't wait to snap some awesome pictures of friends and rugby. My Holga120GCFN camera is coming in about a week's time!! I CAN'T WAIT!! (somehow, I can hear lisa saying it's a waste of money)

Speaking of waste of money, I think I just did. But then again, it's not my first time anyway. I know I know, that money is hard to earn (i've experienced it before:), and that we should really be frugal and thrifty. But after much moments with self, which somewhat made me create a bunch of nonsensical logic by yours truly, I realised that by being thrifty, it really limits the amount of happiness that one can find. Okay la, it doesn't really mean that you're materialistic. It's like the thrill comes not because I'm spending money on a box of plastic, but more of the process of snapping photos, and waiting to see the results of those snaps and clicks.

SO, I said I wasted money because after further detailed research, I realised that the built-in flash light spoils easily.. Which means that if the flash dies on me, I either have to stop snapping photos in the dark and forsake the night scenery or get a new camera Holga120GN, which I think will most probably be coming soon. The difference between the one I ordered - Holga120GCFN is that 120GCFN means that there's flash, no port of external flash, made of glass lens and has all the basic functions of a Holga. 120GN means there's no flash, but there is a port for external flash! Which indirectly means that if I purchase 120GN when 120GCFN fails, I have to get the Multi Colour flash. In total, if 120GCFN's flash fails me, I'll have to spend another 90 bucks- for the flash and the camera. (I totally can hear lisa saying "WALAOEH WASTE MONEY LOR!!)

Perhaps I should start saving more money now.

And all these expenditures does not include FILMS, a very important part of this adventure with this film camera. Considering the fact that I'll have to purchase both 120mm and 35mm films and they branch out to 2 different categories - slide and negative, I think I'll be getting all - so as to find the one I can work best with.

AND THERE ARE LIKE OTHER TYPE OF CUTE CAMERAS LIKE THAT SERIES OF CAMERAS THAT ARE ABLE TO TAKE 4/3/2IDENTICAL/DIFFERENT PICTURES ONTO A SINGLE FRAME! AND ANOTHER FISH EYE CAMERA WHICH TAKES CUTE PICTURES AS WELL AND THIS OTHER POP CAMERA THAT TAKES PICTURE LIKE WARHOL'S ARTWORK. (AND I'M A FAN OF WARHOL.......)

:( IM IN NEED OF BUCKEROOS MAN.

2008-10-16T21:06:00.003+08:00

HELLO WILLY HU YOU BETTER COME BACK FROM TAIWAN FAST BECAUSE A'S ARE COMING AND WILL BE OVER IN A BLINK OF AN EYE. WHICH COINCIDENTALLY MEANS THAT WE'LL NEED TO ORGANISE MORE RUGBY GAMES DURING THE WEEKENDS. YOU BETTER DON'T ACT CUTE AND SAY WE CANNOT PLAY DUE TO A'S, AND CALL THE J1S. I'LL KILL YOU. JIAYU AND SEOWWEI THE FARMER WILL SLAUGHTER YOU. OKAY LA BY THE TIME YOU COME BACK YOU ALSO WON'T BE SEEING THIS BUT I DON'T CARE I JUST FEEL LIKE TYPING BRAINLESSLY TO SOMEONE BRAINLESS. HOPE YOU WON'T FIGHT WITH WILD BEARS OVER THERE. THEY ARE CUTE AND SHOULD BE CUDDLED AND NOT GET BOXED - LIKE WHAT YOU DID TO THE CAN OF RED BULL ON THAT DAY. DON'T BE DUMB ANYMORE FOR GILBERT IS SOMETHING WE'RE ALL PROUD OF.

HELLO JIAJIA, SEOW WEI!!(JIAJIA'S STYLE), JIA EN, AI LIN, WO XIANG NIAN NI MEN. WO XIANG NIAN AHBERT YE SHI :(

sometimes I feel like I own the bestest friends I can ever get man.

2008-10-15T17:24:00.003+08:00

I'm like super pissed off with everything, to the extent that I get so disgusted seeing myself in the mirror and those extra flabs are not helping at all. Everybody I see are evil and they're up to no good. I wanted to give the finger to this J1 girl who was apparently skinny, yet blocking up the entire stairway. And she freaking got the flesh to 'tsk' me and look away when I glared at her, for blocking the way and the 'tsk'. I felt like slapping one of my friend's face because she was smiling non-stop and refused to let me speak - always cutting my sentence up and gets back to me by saying "what you say just now ah?" And another who always claim to know me so well. And this other shit who apparently 'forgot' about me and now, trying her best to compensate back, AT THE WRONG TIME when I'm studying for fucked up A's. And another who goes on and on about her poor life that her mom got her a gucci bag instead of a prada, which she apparently wanted. I get so freaking irritated with myself whenever I see myself using the computer for unorthodox purposes when I should be doing some serious business like printing coloured images for art - which I don't understand why should I be printing pictures in colour when by right I should receive them IN COLOUR and not freaking black and white. I know black and white is really cool and arty farty and nostalgic at the same time but then again, not that I have alot of time to analyse how many dots to represent what colour and all those bull crap. Then then then again, why can't the freaking cheapo school just print all our notes in colour? Hello? I didn't run like mad during nike run, and in the first place, didn't participate it for fun. You got the 10k and may I have a teeny wheeny bit of it by having these fucked up notes in colour!? I know, you're saving the money for the future, but spare a thought for us NOW, like now. It might be raining soon, but it's freaking storming down here. Stupid irritating J1's are having their hardcore project work right now and they're screaming and shouting at every area possible. SAC, supposedly Student's Activity Centre has been sooooo active to the extent that there are Screams And Chats everywhere. Studying area outside the library are in a total chaotic scene. You see guys sleeping around, showing off their coin slot or their cheapo 2 for 10 bucks boxer. The library has officially turned into a pig farm of the night where people go in there to sleep, amidst those dead pigs, you get to see a minimal number of khaki panters/skirters studying (that's if they're lucky). Khaki skirters like me who enter the school at about 9plus 10 have no seats to study because according to the law, animals have rights and they deserve a place to sleep - which brings about the question WHY ARE THERE ROOMS BUILT, BUT THEN NOT OPEN FOR STUDY?! What ruby room, gold room jade room, all crap. Teachers have meetings there. Students have classes there but it's not a place for us to study!! Cos they're forever locked. Yup, they look awesome empty, awesome I tell you. The computer room is another disaster - I don't even dare to open the door for the overwhelming noise wave might just deafen me.

And I really hope that my mom could be more understanding in terms of me sleeping late to study. She tells the entire block that I always stay up late to use the computer and chat online and do unorthodox stuff, even the woman at the massage parlor, and the hairdresser and my sister and brother. She tells my brother that I go out late everyday and come back in the wee hours of the morning - when I only go out a maximum of twice a month, with the clique for birthday celebrations. I should be a total bitch and an ultimate cold blanket like when the clock strikes 7, I'll leave, if not my mother will call the police.

"Oh, by the way, happy advanced of 4 hours birthday! I gotta go! Ciao!"

I'm getting so fucking irritated with my hair and everything that gets in my way to the extent that I feel like shaving my fringe so that I'll have NO FRINGE AT ALL for me to worry about. I ALMOST fucking exploded on my Dad when he asked if I would like a cup coffee or not - like what the fuck is wrong with me man. What the fuck is wrong with me.

I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare (all the xiao lianxzsxs like the end of their posts like that right) or
nobody cares about me anymore...

awww. _|_

I feel like punching something/someone, hug a person and fucking wail out loudly.

I want to sign on with the army, blog on weekends and scold vulgarites and claim "My army buddies taught me that. HAH!" im fucking kidding la.

2008-10-13T17:17:00.001+08:00

I killed myself.

It's been so long since I felt this way.

2008-10-12T21:29:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry,

but i'm hurting too.

Hari Raya

2008-10-11T22:46:00.003+08:00

Few days. Been consolidating the ups and downs of this emotional cycle. Consider this down for the moment. Not even oh-sea-bass(a name lovingly coined by lisa) could help this. In fact, he was like the main cause. But whatever.

Like all minahs, I get my fair share of hari raya fun too (: & it all started out at Ada's house, with her very exciting mom (YAW!) and her younger sister who is apparently taller then Ada herself, and uhhh the rest of us too - except qianny & mom (i think) It's was super fun. Her mom's cooking is superb (don't know why Ada not like that! HAHAHAHA) & yup, it was a hell lot of F&N orange that day man. and alot of posing with Ada's kebaya together with qianny, chergoh and mom. Awesome. Okay the pics are still with qianny. taking forever. AHAHAH.

nts: must upload pics cos i look very demure. ok.

Yup, and hariraya second round at aunt's house was very fun too. My uncle is so damn hilarious. We were watching this chinese variety show which Fei-ge was hosting and he told me this:

"Ling, why his hair like caterpillar ah?"

Other than that, it was the usual nonsense I was receiving from my 2nd cousin, who is apparently the most FOC of all 3. Take photo also never take properly. he practically zoomed all the way to my face so that he could detect my pimples. idiot. Cousin-in-law was there too. TEEHEEHEE. shorter skirts = easier to walk = gooooooood.

OKAYYYYYE

The power of words, and mind.

2008-10-08T21:06:00.001+08:00

School has been torturous. I really wish that they could just leave us alone and let us study all we want. It's irritating to the max when they want us to go back to school to have exams, and it's doubly irritating to the max when the exam scripts are not marked. Not that I'm gonna score full marks or something, but more of the mentality that they imposing in our minds - "Don't have to study, cos it's not gonna be marked" It's an f-up mentality man. :S

Even like now, I'm contemplating whether to go for math tmr. Lit is still at least writable if you didn't study, but math = GG. If it wasn't for meeting XiaoTing and ShengBiao tmr, I think I wouldn't even wanna contemplate already (:

On the other hand, despite the frustrating school that has been setting my mood in a very fluctuating graph, everything's been right. (: Mr oh-sea-ass has been a great source of my motivation and me being smiley all day long, but also a very very very good source of distraction. I'm amazed how flustered I can get by just looking at the handphone with no text. Handphone's pretty busy, spending less time on the computer --> which is a good sign. There is, of course a noticeably increase in the amount of times of being caught smiling to myself, with no explanations but just fits of laughter in the person's face. Oh well. Let's all attribute that to stress lah. Deb's been exclaiming alot over the other side, which really cracks me up. Lisa has been all cranky at my tagboard, with the disappearing footprints of deb's stalker. Wifey's back, with an extra load of 3kg(presumably) of weight gain from taiwan - mai dong xi, chi dong xi. And Mr Oh-sea-ass has just been amazing. :D I like such a life - minusing the exams and stuff, amazing.

oh, hafta include rugby and photog ;D

No.

2008-10-05T21:17:00.004+08:00

lynette lee needs to stop procrastinating and do her work. living in denial because of the f-up art will not get her to university.

not going to a university means:

- minimal chances of playing rugby with my team mates
- death
- it's the end
- parents how?
- future how?
- money how? I still wanna be a freelance photographer (which includes a SLR cam somehow)
- money how? I still wanna get canterbury shorts, together with my suit to prevent anymore bak kwas.

WALAOEHHHH!

Alright meh?

2008-10-05T12:23:00.004+08:00

I don't understand, is it me? Was it because I've been out of civilisation for a period of time (due to art, which is eversince 08 started) - to the extent of not knowing how to respond to very basic stuff, or probably like, not knowing that THIS IS THE WAY to respond/behave. It scares me.

I scared. (okay, shut up).

I don't really know how to put this about, blame it on my inexperience of relationships, or probably the negative perception towards it, therefore, it is pretty hard to pen(type) everything out in an open space, because people might think this is towards them, when I'm very clear that this is not for you because that certain someone doesn't know the existence of this blog, or probably the existence of me (i think) talking about him. But then again, why would you think it's you when you've done nothing of this sort? Guilty conscience? I think so too. Don't panic, I won't expose you. Haha.

I don't know leh, all the while I thought it was ethically, morally and downright wrong, but everybody seems to be doing it. Yes, though everybody may be doing, it doesn't mean it's right. But then again, if it's wrong, why are people doing it? Thrill? Psycho? Bored? Fun? Drunk Psycho - still understandable due to your mental condition, but if you're telling me you're executing these actions under a clear state of mind (which excludes drunk people although people claim that a drunkard speaks the truth, but wth lah), it's scary. It's something like, "I know this is hell and I'm still walking towards it", that kind of mentality. Of course this 'action' isn't as dire as what I made it to be, but just exaggerating things a little - for you to see the emphasis I'm desperately trying to make, but to no avail, I can't see my stand yet and tomorrow is my GP exam! OMFGJC.

Won't you feel bad? That you've somewhat betrayed your partner - in terms of having that kind of emotional and physical attachment. Can you imagine, you're in NS now, and somehow, it is supposedly claimed that you boys will call/sms your parents, important friends, loved ones, etc. And instead of talking on the phone with your boy/girl friend, you're actually on the line with another girl you recently met. Like this right, I've already formed a pretty bad impression about you because HOW WOULD YOUR GF FEEL!? She's like at home, waiting for your call and you went to call other girls. If you called your other brothers - still nevermind, But you actually called a girl that you recently met and thought she's quite cute! OMGAH. Isn't it like a mini betrayal? No? Yes? YES! To me at least, it is.

And what about the other girl that you recently just met, aren't you like leading her on? I mean, you have a girlfriend for goodness sake! And you behave you have none - 'trying' to hook this other girl up by being nice and sweet talking. WALAOEH. I don't know what you deserve, but definitely more than a slap, and a kick in the balls.

Okayokay, enough of all the crap above, but seriously, this is my question:
So, you mean it's okay to go around to ask for other girl's number when you're in a relationship?

Happy birthday lynette lee.

2008-10-01T00:36:00.007+08:00

I'm 18!

Was shocked to find 9 candles on the cake! As in, I didn't thought of being 18 in the way of COUNTING the number of candles.

Was just telling xiuxiu that when we're younger, we always wanted to grow up and 18 was like the best age. And we're always acting mature and all those. But when you're finally 18, it's like "aiya, heck care lah. just be yourself."

Thanks to those who hugged and touched (HAHAHAHAH) and wished and gave presents. Loved everything and you guys even more. Although I really wished that I could spend time with each individual one of you - just to catch up and talk to past time, it's a waste it didn't happen. We'll make it happen soon, I hope. Love you guys.

And to the last few people who almost didn't make it on time: william, hanpin and shengbiao (/kill), THANKS :D

*dance of the frustrated mango*

Now, it's the first of October and it's Sherman's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY POTTEH:D

Deb mutilated her fringe under my "guidance"! HAHA. Scary. Now we have the same bangs, same specs, live in the same type of house at the same type of surroundings. HAHAHA :D

Thanks for everything people! & this year is new urban male year!! :D Because I received alot of num stuff and wife got a num bf! :D

Shall blog while i'm still 17.

2008-09-29T22:40:00.002+08:00

To think of it, this past soon-to-be 18 years of my life, I've done nothing exciting, happening or law-breaking. Which is rather sad - because in a way, your teenage years are the times when you do really happening stuff, experiment with stuff and other what nots, RIGHT? Okay lah, the most happening thing I ever experienced was joining rugby, that's all. -.-

Not a girl soon, not yet a woman. But still a human paying student's fare for bus and mrt trips.

uh, one more year close to death =/ I've done nothing great yet. I needa achieve something before leaving. I will. Okay bye.

2008-09-29T19:50:00.002+08:00

teenage angst, walaoeh. can't stand myself.

1 more day, not looking forward to it.

2008-09-29T01:42:00.002+08:00

Dear Mom,

I'm tired of being a good girl. No matter how hard I try to please you, you'll never be happy. You never understood how far each time I have to go in order to just make you pleased. It's hard, it's tiring. Not getting what I should get in return gets on my nerves. Even the slightest request I have, such as being back late, staying up late in my own damn fucking room so that I can study, keep a pet, you won't allow. Even if you do, such as for the first two, you'll harp on it forever, you threaten, you scold, you insult. I'm tolerating that. I have been tolerating that and I will tolerate that. But it gets a little too much at times. You don't know how fucking hard I try to be a good girl whenever I see my friends doing stuff that I shouldn't do. You don't fucking know. I could have smoke, could have drop out of school, could have left home and could have retaliated whenever you did or said something to me. But I didn't. Because I spared a thought for you and Dad. I know you care, but, your expression of such care and concern scares me. Too violent.

You can smash whatever you want. I don't give a fuck. Smash my face. Smash my skull, and end my life. I'm a burden to you right?

I don't want anything. I don't want a digi cam, a pet or holidays anymore. This is the best birthday present I received from you. I'll remember it. The others, keep it for yourself. Continue working. Don't give two hoots about me. Perhaps then, when I fail in life, I might feel just better.

Don't talk about not knowing me anymore, you never knew me in the first place. Talk about the basic stuff, you don't even know what class am I in, or what's my school's acronym. It's ok. Work's more important.

I'm not trying to sound like a daughter who has been victimised or whatever. I'm perfectly fine. You get my flow.

I love you..

2008-09-28T00:52:00.003+08:00

I bought a new mouse.

It's lime green in colour. I had a variety of choices, but I chose green instead, I don't know why.

It has red light.

It's very slippery.

Wife tells me to feed it to the cats.

2008-09-27T21:12:00.002+08:00

I want my birthday wish list too. Seeing Deb making on on lj makes me feel like doing it therefore ben nai nai shall do it though i seriously think i should be cutting my hair or doing some good lord work right now.

HMM, I'LL REVISE ON IT AND POST IT TMR.

BTW, HAPPY BURPSDAY IN ADVANCE BRA. YOU'RE 18 NOW. DECEPTACON ALL THE WAY. OKAY KIDDING LOVEYA BYEBYE.

So long ago.
So young then.
So in love then.
So perfect then.

Still so mesmerizing. I think I didn't blink for the entire duration of this video.

2008-09-27T02:23:00.002+08:00

So, the conclusion is that I'm in severe need of sleep. But the thing is that I can't sleep at night! Although I'm drowsy like a mudpie during the day, I'm wide awake in the night, a good example would be right now!! And I'm feeling every agitated because I cannot get my body to work properly right now!!! In the day, I can't study cos I'm damn freaking sleepy. And during the night, I can't study well either because when I need help from certain people (for math esp omgah), there's no one online, and you can't possibly want me to call them on their handphones and wake them up just for me to ask some questions right!!!? OMGAH!

With nothing to do, except online shopping till there's nothing in my bank, I'm practically peregrinating all around my room, wondering how can I save my balding eyelashes, increase the money in my bank, and worrying about A's.

And my class, is a pathetic piece of fuck. There's no picture of comity within us. People don't like one another, back stabbing, individualistic, arrogance, and despising. What's more. 1A04 should have disappeared from the face of the earth during 2007 - so that such incorrigible stuff would never happen. Thank god I didn't attend school today, because hearing about it already gets me boiled up, can you imagine what will happen to me if I was there? Disgusting - probably an underrated word. And yeah, instead of ranting about it, I should do something to help, right? Tell me about it.

everything just stopped,

2008-09-21T18:05:00.002+08:00

I am finally utilising my "Study Club Membership" well now. It's not that bad of a place either. Pretty quiet, a cute boy was beside me moments ago, air-con at just of right temperature, able to work pretty well with gp research, Uni girl beside me studying motivates the hell out of me (she has purple nails btw.)

The last time I ever entered a Studying Room at a Community Centre was about April or March, RIGHT AFTER THE FIRST CONTACT RUGBY TRAINING I HAD WITH THE GIRLS.

Oh god, I freaking miss rugby soooo much. And after such a long period of not exercising, I doubt I can even run one round the field for warm up now. :(

I miss Derelyn shouting at us whether to do "Babak or Nehneh or Chiku"
I miss her complaining to us that the names we gave our moves are horrible and we are like throwing her face with such names (HAHA).
I miss getting bak kwas from rugby.
I miss bandaging my calf and lying to my mom that I pulled a muscle when actually I had a wound there.
I miss diving.
I miss tackling.
I miss SA junior school's field where I accidentally ate the rubber bits.
I miss slapping thighs
I miss crashing into people.
I miss laughing with my team at the girl from another JC with humongous breasts.
I miss drinking diluted redbull from Captain's nalgene waterbottle.
I miss exploding on the field whenever I couldn't get a move right.
I miss kicking balls.
I miss catching balls.
I miss learning how to throw like a hooker.
I miss imagining wonderful moves that could possibly be executed on the pitch.
I miss moving the soccer post with the girls and hanging on it.
I miss singing corny love songs with my team.
I miss our team talk sessions
I miss our huddling.
I miss our cheer.
I miss our warm up sessions.
I miss all the encouragement we gave one another whenever we executed a move properly or score a try.
I miss diving and touching the person at the same time.
I miss trying.
I miss trying and having people crashing onto me.
I miss people stepping on my foot on the pitch
I miss people pushing me hard on the pitch.
I miss playing with the boys on saturdays
I miss lunching/dining with them after our training.
I miss teh peng and chin chau.
I miss falling down for rugby.

Talking about falling down for rugby, it is probably the only moment that when you dive and fall and not feel embarrassed about it. Especially if you try.

I miss Rugby.

I miss the life I used to had.

Back to books. Sighs.

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

2008-09-21T00:42:00.003+08:00

I stayed up in school till 4am yesterday. Talk about endurance, I was one of the first few to leave, together with deb&bf and nurul. I died okay, pangsai. But towards the starting of the late night morning, it wasn't that bad together with Lisa and Deb. We were talking nonsense while doing work dilligently. Then the hyped tide down a little, until Deb's bf came and we don;'t know how started on the topic of abstinence and Deb just went like "abstinence ah" to her bf. We laughed like crazy. OKAY IT SEEMS LIKE ITS NOT VERY ASSURING THAT WE DID LAUGH, BUT WE DID LAUGHED.

On the other hand, I silently made a vow to myself in the cab home yesterday that I should use less hokkien and chinese now. These 2 come out of me unconsciously whenever I'm desperate. Not that they are bad, but it's weird if I were to speak in chinese and hokkien to a bunch of people who barely understands "simi" is "what" in hokkien.

The set up is finally up, left with 2 frames, the wiring and the set up and the confirmation of prep. Can't wait for all these to be over. Been totally out of civilisation for God knows how long. I wake up at 530am, leave school at 630am, all the way till 9pm, sleep at 3-4plus am. And the cycle continues. It's a neverending story. (Like Bayu Utomo Radjikin) The last time I ever remembered being out of civilisation was during the CLT camp, when George came and coined up that term.

So as I was bawling my eyes out yesterday due to insufficient of sleep and excessive scoldings and pressure with slight accusations, in the fusion house, We had unexpected visitors. Just when I thought tearing in front of miss yeo and CS and XC and deb and ter and lisa was bad enough, Jerry and Alvin came. Wrong moment. But thanks for the pens and donuts, they helped (:

As I was eating the donuts, facing the corner, not much difference from a prisoner of war, just that I'm fatter, clothed and eating a donut in an aircon room, I felt really pathetic. I don't know why, I felt so small and pathetic and F-ed up.

I miss spending time with jayjay and weister.
I miss spending time with the coterie.
I miss spending time with mom and dad.
I miss picking up your phone calls as I'm always rejecting them.
I miss meeting up with wifey.

Quoting Michelle: "Sadness fills my heart." And Hanpin will never fail to correct me: "nynette, it's sadness and sorrows fills my heart." -_-

I left my skirt in the fusion house, I'll be skirtless on monday. Whooo, I'll be using my membership FINALLY.

Before I face my 8 black boards..

2008-09-18T23:20:00.001+08:00

We're always complaining how sucky art is and how bad are our drawings, how unreasonable the teachers are at times and how hot and dusty the place is, how ill-equipped the art room is, etc.

But when coursework is over, I'm so gonna miss it badly. Ya la ya la. I know I everytime get emotional and pissed and frustrated over art. But after everything is like completed and set up, and all you care is about the bond that was created within these 6 months of terror and agony, it gets pretty depressing.

Coursework completed = no more late nights in school, no more dusty room, ~~no more~~lesser crying times and feeling depressed, no more scoldings, no more frustrations, no more terrorizing number of sketches to be completed, no more continuos sleepless nights..

Coursework completed = no more clubbing - hanpin's style, no more 'eh eh eh eh ahhh!", no more video sessions for youtube, no more MacOS, no more free snacks, no more visits to art friend, no more visits to hardware shop, no more shouting funnily, no more baking boxes, no more painting boxes, no more dirtying yourself and other people, no more MacBook camwhoring, no more photobooth, no more getting cuts and bleeding like crazy, no more getting furniture glue in your eye, no more wearing of wigs, no more dressing the guys up, no more blowing of sunflowers, no more tracing and sketching, no more dining together, no more pats of comfort, no more going home with melvin, no more wearing of slippers, no more ponning school to school, no more happy drink, no more macs delivery, no more talking to oneself, no more chronicles, no more armpit sisters..

no more fun. :(

If art was taken as the only subject, I think we would all feel lighter.

Okay, tomorrow, picture heavy. All armed with cameras.

2008-09-18T01:08:00.004+08:00

You know what's the best of all bestest parts?

It's when rumors, from god knows where, surfaces from friends, spreading to other friends, falsely claiming that you like this other boy and blahblahblahblah.

And the result: A strained friendship with that boy.

The boy whom you barely know, and treated as a normal everyday friend.

How about spreading the rumor that Keanu Reeves actually live in the same housing estate as me? I think it's better. At least, I know I like Keanu Reeves.

2008-09-18T01:08:00.003+08:00

Crying is good

Crying clears my head and allows me to vent my frustrations.

It is goood.

Crying makes me feel better.

Crying makes me realise that I'm such a weak fuck.

Finally a moment,

2008-09-15T23:43:00.002+08:00

This is the first time in many weeks that I'm actually sleeping in the night of the day that I woke up to. I don't know why, but I'm pretty ecstatic now, though it's 15mins to midnight.

To prevent me ears from bleeding, I shall sleep early (not so), and face doom later in the morning.

hurrah for sleepers! I've never felt so happy about sleeping so early, and knowing that I'll be minced tomorrow!

V(^_^)V

Gnights!

from all the love in the world. (:

2008-09-15T21:46:00.002+08:00

I think it's home.

I get freaking irritated whenever I reach home, and switching on the computer makes it way worse. I don't know why - considering the fact that the comp is one of the few entertainments I have in this house. (Computer, Tv, ipod, radio, handphone.. errr no more) It should be, fun right? Whatever.

Im damn tired.

On the other hand, I'm like having this fetish for papaya stuff - soap, scrub, perfume (eww?). Perhaps, papaya polaroid? HAHAHAHA shut up.

2008-09-14T23:02:00.002+08:00

I want to slap, kick, punch, scream, claw, bite, pinch, pull, push someone/something right now.

My virgin experiences on Youtube. OMG.

2008-09-14T02:21:00.001+08:00

Enjoy, laughing at me. HAHAHAH but i like.

icutmyownhairokdontgaspimscaredtoo

2008-09-13T22:17:00.002+08:00

Due to unknown stress and burden, I finally decided to vent them out.
A haircut, by myself. Okay la, I was inspired on how cute Ada looked when she sliced her fringe off. And since she told me how to do it. I did it. I totally have no idea where did I muster all those courage from, but it was sure hell alot of it.

Hi, this is the new, further improvised, spastic me.. it looks alil crooked here, but oh well.

and this is for nadgoff(:
I apologise for the massive polaroid illustrations, pictionaries to be exact, I'm just really crazy over it right now. Doubly crazy, cos I don't own one. HAHAHA. With the huge amount of research that I did today on the discontinuation of Polaroid cameras and films (that got me pretty devastated), I found a substitute for it! FUJI FILM! and the cameras are really cute - I meant the instant ones. Makes you go 'awwww' And I did all these when I was supposed to be doing art, most of the time. Gah.

2008-09-12T23:55:00.002+08:00

I feel so urgh.

I want to tell someone everything, but I know nothing's gonna come out. Perhaps I should just cry my ass off, that would definitely make me feel better. The pain in the head isn't really helping either.

I feel like a total loser for forgetting friend's birthdays, or confusing people up.. I'm sorry

Happy 19th Birthday LinQiang. - 9/9
Happy 18th Birthday Lama JM - 6/9
Happy 18th Birthday Zhirong - 2/9
Happy 18th Birthday Minah2IC - 28/8
Happy 18th Birthday Chewy - 22/8

On the other hand, my leg hurts from knocking the table in the art room a few days ago and now, I can't walk properly.

2008-09-12T14:44:00.004+08:00

What is this what is this what is thissssssss!

okay great, now I'm fat and dumb and slow and likes to cry. awesome yo.

hands, will you just just move a little faster? draw them darn good and shove it into her face, and call it a day because im pretty tired from all the nonsense that i'm getting in school. it sucks.

praise god. i miss church out of a sudden. i miss attending church with people i know.

anyway, i slept at 5 yesterday. in the morning. ohhhh mother lee's real angry.

i wuv you. (:

2008-09-11T22:52:00.002+08:00

To: You, as of only you are concerned..

Thanks for always being there. Though I always act nonchalant whenever you're around, I really appreciate your presence, it actually means alot. Thanks for all the care and concerns that you've constantly showered on me whenever I need someone to be there. You're always there. There is almost no single time that I cannot find you. I appreciate the late night chats we have, despite it's always me ranting and you listening. We have an unbalanced relationship, I'm sure it's quite obvious. It's either I'm blabbering and ranting non stop with you listening, and laughing at certain parts of my storytelling session, or you telling me about your stuff, where I would listen to it intently. You lead an interesting life, and you do know that. You been to almost to all parts of the world whereas the furthest I went was like Australia. You need to go, you have to go and you will be going. I enjoyed the times we spent together, the times we went out, and met up for no apparent reason. Thanks for tolerating my crazy school system that generates outrageous timetables, now that's earlier, we should treasure all the times we can spend with each other. Thanks for hearing me ranting about the guy at that point of time. You'd always be there whenever I need you.

Enough of acting strong.

I actually don't want you to leave. Though nothing's confirmed, I know you'll be leaving one day. Good things never last long, remember? I'll miss your presence, your shoulders, your hugs and your voice. I'll miss the things you've done for me. The weird random gifts and flowers and your attempt at creating presents for me. I'll keep it for as long as it can last. If I could, I would want you to stay. But I shouldn't, right? Sometimes I don't understand why I lead such a drama life. It's funny how we collide into each others' path and decided to walk a certain part of our lives together. Now, I think we're reaching the Y junction again.

It's really hard to see you go. I don't think I'll be going to send you off. I don't know what to say anymore. I think i'll just bawl my eyes out.

Will you forget me? Cos I don't think I will.

2008-09-11T00:02:00.003+08:00

I am very fat and I feel very disgusted with myself. At first, it was only whenever I saw the mirror. Now, it's like I don't even have to see the mirror and it's already disgusting enough. How bad is it huh.

I want to be thin. It makes me feel good. Previously, touch rugby was the one and only thing that made me feel good about myself - because I'm working out, exercising and shaking those flabs away, and also being together with a group of girls I totally adore. There were people for me to look up to, people like Derelyn, Brig, Vic, Dorothy, Jiayu. I wanted to be like them. Slim, smart and sporty. I used to not fit in any of those 3, till I came SR and joined touched and I became sporty for many months. Then now, I prohibited to play, thus eliminating the sporty side. I wasn't slim, I wasn't smart, and now, I can't be sporty. I am nothing now. The world is superficial. You need looks. You need to be thin in order to wear those beautiful apparrels on the magazines and look right. You need to be slim in order for people to look at you the right way.

I'm not even wanting to be pretty. I just want to be thin/slim or whatever shit. I wouldnt mind being stick thin, then I can eat all I want and expand to the correct size.

I need to do something to these tubs of oil. I could donate them to Saudi Arabia and they could probably increase the supply of oil significantly. Yup, that's a good idea.

fat thighs, fat tummy, flabby arms and no jawline. what more could I ask for?

I am a manic depressive.

2008-09-10T23:24:00.000+08:00

What mental disorder do you have? Your Result: Manic Depressive You have extreme cycles of highs and lows. Sometimes you feel like you don't know who you are. One week you could be very hyper and happy and the next week you are slow and depressed.
Paranoia
OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)
GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)
What mental disorder do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

oh dear. wife, yi hou jiu kao ni le.

I dont wanna hear about her no more.

2008-09-09T23:30:00.004+08:00

2 days in total and I only had 4 hours of sleep. Barely 2 per day. Awesome. So I totally K.O-ed today during Econs lecture, only to find myself groggily waking up to flip the page and then doze off all over again. And for the half an hour break after econs, I went to sleep, only to get myself horribly shaken by Alvin's shakes. Other than that, sleeping was good. Just that it made me a little confused? Like I don't remember attending Econs lecture, or telling Alvin to go away. HAHAHA. But I do now.

So, econs homework not done.
Art, not completed.

Hmm. Pon tomorrow? Yes please. But I'll be ponning to go school tomorrow. Stupid or whattt.

After friday, I'll be recovering all the sleepless nights I had and I totally can't wait for it.

More sleep = Higher chances of seeing Gilbert on saturdays. Definitely 89675454343 thumbs up. (:

And it's time for me to maximise my membership of the study club at my CC.

My thumbdrive died on me and my mom replaced it with a skinny one which makes me pretty sad whenever I see it, I don't know why. I still prefer my fat thumbdrive though. Though only 1gb, but it's expandable. :(

You make me fall in love with everything once again.

2008-09-07T15:44:00.003+08:00

I love Polaroid cameras. :) My dad refuses to get me one. But pictures taken with polaroid cams make me fall in love, with photgraphy. POLAROID IS AWESOME THOUGH ITS EX.

Okay, I think it's art side of me talking now. :( So near yet so far.

Hi, I'm arting today. I wished I did something like what HAMJINPENG did for art. More fun right..

-pics taken from deviantart

2008-09-06T11:26:00.002+08:00

Seriously, I've always never understood what goes through my head in order for me to come up with an conclusion and executing it. But the ideas sometime just suck to the maximum - to the extent that I cannot believe that I was the one that suggested it. Perhaps it's not good enough for myself and it pleases everybody. But it needs to be good. Very good.

I wished I didn't have so many responsibilities to bear, and so many things that I'd never let go. I wished I could, too, go overseas and have fun. I wished I could go around the world and take photos of other people, and other stuff. I wished I could play contact rugby and not get any injuries (IRONY PLS) so that my mom would allow me to continue playing. Apparently this won't happen because she has seen the bak kwas of TouchRugby. In the first place, it's already "TOUCH rugby", so she thinks it's slightly gentler. But Contact Rugby sounds to risky. She say one la. I also don't know when she had the knowledge of Rugby. Cos all the while, she though I was playing Baseball. I'm serious. I mean, if she said soccer or something, still not that bad la. But BASEBALL!? HAHAHAHAH. I love my mom man.

(:

2008-09-03T22:30:00.006+08:00

Art camp was a major success - in a way, in terms of settling of ideas and taking of pictures. HAHA. Don't think 2 days very short, Deb and I managed to filmed "The Chronicles of Deb and Nette" within half hour when we were supposed to be sketching. Dont pray pray i tell you. Below is the behind the scenes and trailer for "TCODAN" (The Chronicles of Deb and Nette)

"Commando ehhhh!!"

they were cycling...
HAIS. HAHAHAHAH

BRA
LEESA

This is the REAL trailer. (:

HAHAAHAHA. So we were very tired people, trying to de-stress while having art in distress (pun by deb), it was damn retarded.

So, you know whats the best part about a long day's work?

Your love, waiting for you. (:

The best sms ever received:

"There's Constantine on Channel 5 tonight. Reward yourself after 2 days of arting by ogling at keanu reeves face. Hahahaha. provided you do not zonk out lah. heh." -- jayjay

Awesome. I'm looking at him now. Why is he so hot though old HUH!?

lernett warhol constantine. :D

Warhol, oh Warhol

2008-09-01T23:17:00.005+08:00

Art.

Sighs.

That's Andy Warhol for you. The artist that created the colorful Marilyn Monroe and Mao. So I had a crush on him while studying about him (Okay fine, he's gay and dead. rah) What a way. But then again, it seems like most of the guys that I fall for are all...not very right - as stated in one of my entries back then. Now, it's like, he's gay, *ouch. Oh, and he's convieniently dead too *double ouch. Yes Lisa, I got it. LOL. He's dead. (: His photobooth pictures reminds me that I should be doing something like that too, soon.

Some of the art girls and I were discussing that if we were to marry Piet Mondrian.... everything's gonna be squares and rectangles and red and blue and yellow. HAHA. I'll die. I really will die. And Deb says Warhol is too cool for me. Edward Hopper's then for me. Sighs, the emotional guy who paints the empty and solitary side of mankind. HMMM.. Nighthawk- one of my favourite pieces. (:

Okay. The only reason why am I blabbering nonstop right now is because:

1. I have not completed my art homework. (DEEPSHIT I TELLYOU)

2. I have Art camp tmr.

Tmr's art camp would probably be the first camp that I'll be going to that doesn't have PT in the morning. I don't know whether to be thankful anot because I think I might run in the morning. But then again, I think I might not even sleep on the night before. OMGAHH. Much less run the next morning. I might be closing my eyes while running the length of the track and trip and fall glamorously all over again. I think the NIKE race has got me into running. Let's all fall in love with running.

To think about it, I would never have joined some 10km race if it wasnt for touch rugby. If I didn't join any sports CCA, there you go, I'll be as fat as the doorway. - Not that I'm any thinner, but still, you know, sighs. But I hated running all the while. I liked Canoeing though, HHEHEEHEHEH. I don't liek the capsizing part only. SO retarded. The drill is meant to leave you speechless. UNDERWATER AND SLAP THE BOAT 3 TIMES THANKS!

I'm reluctant to go for the art camp tmr. I think I'm not bringing my sleeping bag. We're gonna sleep in the fusion house and it's gonna be cold like mad.

we were meant to live for so much more

but we lost ourselves.

The Brightest, of All The Colours

2008-09-01T12:37:00.003+08:00

Last night,

I fell in love. :D

Your voice, was the soundtrack of my summer

Do you know you're unlike any other

You'll always be my thunder, and I said

Your eyes was the brightest of all the colours

I don't wanna ever love another

You'll always be my thunder

So bring on the rain

And bring on the thunder.

2008-08-31T12:23:00.002+08:00

You know what it means right? You know it right? I'm sure you do. You absolutely know what it means. So why don't you tell me?

On the other hand, I so freaking sorry ben. I SHOULDN'T HAVE NEGLECTED YOU ALL THESE WHILE WHEN I WAS HAPPILY DEPRESSED. I AM FREAKING SORRY THOUGH YOU DIDN'T SAY A WORD AT ALL. I KNOW. I SUCK. IM SORRY.

okay, i love you, i think.

nike run + boys like girls = diet + rock concert = WHAT MORE!?

2008-08-30T22:52:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling so angry now till my heart's beating so damn fast.

lesson learnt: don't be too friendly and make so many friends.

on the other hand, i've decided to wake up at 10 and watch wangzibianqingwa before going for nike run. i think i need to calm my nerves before meeting people that just triggered the fire in me. if not, i might just explode in their face and end it with a middle finger.

sometimes, i blame myself for making friends. if you had no friends, you wouldn't have to face this shitty side of theirs that you totally abhor and can't wait to go up to their face and slap it a thousand times. Im serious

okay, maybe not DON'T make friends at all. perhaps selectively.

i'm totally grateful for people like wifey and clique, and jayjay with weister. Totally.

Nope, I'm not fishing for any positive compliments.

2008-08-30T00:06:00.006+08:00

I have long hair now. And it's getting a little hard to handle, cos I have alot of hair. They're thick per strand and thick in amount.

No, at this very sober moment of mine, I've decided to type this out.

I'm not drunk. You know in shows? Where people 'Jie jiu xiao chou (drinking to ease their pain/suffering)? I think it's hilarious lor. You pay so much, to get yourself a major hangover the next day, and probably puke all over your body, if you're a guy, there's high chance that you might be on the streets, beside a lamp post. And if you're a girl, there is a super high chance you'll be in some strange cheapo hotel, naked and/or probably robbed of both your chastity and moneyyy. Dumb right? Okay, perhaps you have another perspective towards it. But you can't deny that fact right? It's not as if it's gonna solve any damn problem in life. It's escapism.

If people like me were to escape, you should really pity them and give them a hug, because they actually have no idea about what they are escaping from. It's like a general thing. Like suddenly, one day, you woke up on the wrong side of the bed and everything goes wrong. You dislike everybody, and whatever anybody does, is totally wrong. I don't know if using the phrase "Wrong thing and Wrong time" would be good because it's not their fault, but yours, but then again, not entirely your fault because you never meant to do it and feel that way. However, people misunderstands and it's the end. After the misunderstanding of you, people's impression of you is heading downhill and it'll take forever to climb back - but you can, with the help of your friend, you definitely can. Sometimes, in life, all we need is just a little push, and we'll be going on, forever.

Okay, I totally couldn't see the point of the last paragraph. Do you know what it means? Do share, I have no idea what I just typed. Everything was just entering my pea-sized brain and yeah baby, it's now all there. I actually wanted to type about something pretty pessimistic, but I ended up encouraging people? WOW. It's okay, even if you forgot most of me, you'll still remember me as the girl that made your day by smiling even though her own world is pretty crushed.

No, I said I'm not drunk.

You know, sometimes, I feel very inferior? Like ultra inferior- be it in physical or mental wise, I'll feel inferior one lor. Which is really a neagtive thing I should be doing because everyone should have high self esteem, okay, maybe not high, but moderate, enough for you to get by without getting squashed (highly impossible) You see, physical wise - I know myself the best. I'm not pretty, not hot, not thin, not stylo or whatever. I'm fat and round, a little cranky and sometimes moodswings, I talk nonsense at times and I think I'm a waste of space. I have low self esteem, I don't even dare to wear clothes that are sleeveless or what thereofs because I have flabby arms and if I reveal them, I might just flap them and fly to outerspace. (there are many more, i just don't wanna demoralise myself)

Actually, I don't really know what's so inferior about it. Because it doesn't really cause any dire consequences. People with all those awesome stuff uses it to gain all the popularity in the world - which I don't desire of, especially UNWANTED attention. Thanks, but no thanks. But sometimes, it's just the inferiority complex playing around with all the hormones and nerves, adjusting the way I think, like now - not focused and rebutting myself like FREEEEEEEE - with my eyes barely open. BARELY

So while my classmates are pubbing and clubbing, here am I blogging and yawning like an outcast. SIGHS. I'm tired - literally, for I ran today and did some changing room exercises, and mentally, where I'm super tired of facing the world. So now what, is this an emo post or? Sometimes, I... uuh, i forgot what I wanted to say.

I'll go now. Because the night is still young baybeh.

:D / D:

2008-08-28T01:35:00.003+08:00

I'm ecstatic!

In about 12 hours time, I'll be running around the track, i'll be running around the track - trying to shake off my fats.

In about 11 hours time - LIBERATION DAYS OFFICIALLY STARTS (get over it lynette leee).

Ok. I think Andy Warhol is quite cute. HAHA. too bad he's gay. :(

how come all the guys that I like or I think are cute or hot are gay or sissies or bisexuals or married or not interested in girls or taking a break or damn young or just being gay huh huh huh huh huh..

then again, gays are hot. i've always wanted a sissy guy friend that's straight, someone that I can call a sister. I think it's nice to have such a person by your side. their sense of fashion would be fab and they're so smart - probably with artists too. then I can save the trouble of learning everything as he'll be there to bitch stuff to me.

i think if i had such a buddy, bitching would be my ultimate past time. :(

okay there are so many things that i wish, i want and i hope. i somehow like got my thoughts sort out, that if i wasn't born, life wouldn't be the same for many people. HAHAHAHAHAH BASKET. IM LIKE INCREASING MY OWN SELF WORTH. STFU

I actually wish that the days would rain more. because it kinds of fit in with the nostalgic era now, for me at least.

i.need.to.freaking.run.

i.want.to.lose.another.8kg.

not.put.on.another.8kg.

okay, i've decided. since i like phelps and lochte, i shall swim. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. lynette swimming? OMGAH. FLOATING YOUR MEAN.

HELLOH, I AM LINDSAY LOHAN AND I THINK YOU CAN MAKE IT. PRESSON FOR I AM LINDSAY LOHAN.

fuck, i feel very demoralised right now now now now now now.

i could kill a pillow.

The thinning of the society

2008-08-27T18:28:00.004+08:00

she looked calm as she lay in that covered-up-bed, only revealing her head to us. Her once thick white hair was left with only a few strands on her head, thinning, quick and merciless. I stared at her for quite awhile, thinking that all these must have been a dream, that she would suddenly sit up and give me a hug, speaking in hakka, saying that she misses me alot and that I've grown up to be a big girl. It's been about 6 or 7 years since she came over for a new year visit. 7 years since I last saw her at her 80th birthday. I remember giving her a hug, while taking in a deep breath of her powdery smell. She was all well then. Except for a few complains on her back. I looked at her wrinkled skin that was unusually thin on her forehead, and my cousin pointed out to us that one of the vessels burst - that's why there seem to be a blood clot near her temple. The lipstick that they applied for her wasn't of the colour that she would usually use, it was pink, making her look very proud and arrogant when actually deep down, she's someone fun and loving. I wanted to wipe that lipcolour away and applied a more subtle shade for her. Though old, she still wants to be pretty.

The warm hearted queen has gone - leaving her kingdom in distress. Her eldest son, no where to go except to live with his overbearing sister that he's afraid of. I look at my cousin. Old, too, though slightly slow in his mentality, he gave us a "everything's gone" look and looked away. It was until I sat next to him, then we started talking, which I believed, to be the very first time. He remembers me. He said that I used to be round and fat when I was young, very cute. All I could was just to smile at him, giving him a very sorry look and said "yeah, that was very long ago" The moments of silence were caused by him remembering his mother as he stared at her photo. It was indeed a pretty photo of her, smiling. My heart cringed and I wanted to cry out loud. But I couldn't, I don't know why. She was still alive few hours ago. And she left just like that. Leaving everything behind. All the unity that she has brought into the family are bound to fall apart when she's gone. She was the main reason why everybody is still coming together. Finally, after much tolerance, I took out my Literature notes and started to read.
My female cousin took a piece of my note and read it. "JC? That's very good. Very very good. I always wanted to go JC, but couldn't." I gave her a smile and looked away. You could take my place in JC now if you want. I desperately wanted to tell her the torture of the current education system, but I decided not. I did it once to my sister and it was the end, I cried.

All the 'Good, JC good" speeches from all those relatives that I barely remember made me feel that I should finish this education system up. Everyone's pinning their hopes on me. If I don't do well, I'm not only letting down myself, but also every single one of them.

I took a look at all those strangers that were introduced to me, I barely remember some of them. I barely knew of their existence.

"Tai gu, Biao Jie, Biao ge, Xiao Yi..."

"What's your name?"

"Lynette."

"Huh?"

"Oh, uh, Ling."

I doubt they knew me either.

"The curse of the ageing population"

2008-08-26T14:16:00.004+08:00

I read Cher's entry on her late grandmother a few weeks back. It was a beautiful remembrance, as if a photograph was taken at that point of time because everything she describe was just of serenity and peace. The curse of the ageing population - as what Cher said.

And then, I thought to myself "I'll never be able to pen down such beautiful thoughts of a person, I'll never." Why? I haven't met with any deaths yet, except for my distant Godmother during the June holidays. I haven't met a death that seemed to be impactful to my life yet. I haven't lost someone that played a huge role in my life and that I could remember clearly of. I have very vague memories of my Godmother, except for the fact that she is a peranakan and hunches. From seeing her able to walk and then wheelchair bound. From her kissing me when I was young, till she doesn't when I was slightly older. Which then I stopped visiting her house because she apparently cared more about my niece and I was just wasting time down there. But when she left, she left. Which meant no more kisses and no more ignoring. No more of nothing.

And now, the sudden news of her passing away stunned me, stunned me enough to divert my attention from the TV which was playing some drama show to my Mom. The phonecall was a nasty one. The fact that she wanted to see me and parents for the last time made my heart cringed. The sadness was a different one - different from all the heartaches that you get in school. Different from all the discouragements you get from teachers and different from the sufferings you had to tolerate from the people you hated. It was like as if I lost a part of myself. I can't wait to see her again, but I don't wish to see her. I don't want to see such a her.

She was the only Auntie that spoke pretty loud. And the only Auntie that always talks to me in Hakka - although I never understand much. She was the only Auntie that I thought her white hair looked perfectly awesome on her. And the only Auntie that I enjoyed being with. Her kids are awesome. I love the family.

And then, I witness the selfishness of the human nature. Was a phonecall so difficult for you, my dear Uncle, to my call your elder brother, my father, despite instructions from her? I think so. Perhaps a cyclone hit your flat, that's why you couldn't call. It's okay. I totally understand your disastrous situation. Totally. And I do hope I don't have to see you later. People like you disgust me.

As much as I know Lit and Art are the only subjects left, by leaving my school work to attend the wake is already a very hasty and risky situation. But then again, personal failure or the last time to see someone dear before they're gone forever - which one would you choose? I think most of us would choose to fail on your own. I don't know. Perhaps the minority (or the majority) would think that seeing someone for the last time isn't important at all, people like you-know-who. Uncle would be there though.

One day I wa found and the next I was lost.

2008-08-25T21:53:00.003+08:00

I need to be strong
And I need to move on with my life
You know it's not that I don't care
So don't make me feel bad
It's not fair

You know it's not easy to do
Turning my back on me and you

Smiles they turned into tears
And all of my dreams
They all disappeared

It's funny how things turn around

Personal Belongings. Who likes to share? No one. I always thought that life was like black and white. Until when I grew older, and experienced things that my parents never taught me how to respond or handle, I risked and gambled and tried to play fate. Did things that I never thought I would do since young. Ambitions of being a teacher were totally casted out of the window because I told myself to study hard to get out of school as soon as possible and not study hard, get out of school and get back into the education system - that's like suicide. The older I grew, the more cynical I got about life because all the beautiful things in life are NOT free and therefore, being not rich, I suffer. Perhaps, it's just the perception. My perception of life seems to be pretty tainted all thanks to the education system and the way of life in Singapore. Can't blame me. Brought up in such an environment, it's hard to not adapt.

Okay, I sound very cynical now. And I don't like. Now it's back to Darcy.

Tell me why I should stay.

2008-08-23T20:16:00.003+08:00

I was feeling extremely horrible yesterday after staying in school to study with jayem and Michelle. No doubt it was PRETTY productive, but I don't know what's going up there in that brain(if there is) of mine.

Horrible? Don't know leh. Although in the morning, I ran more than 3.2km with jayem at 8, which therefore supposed to make me feel happier because I'm like finally getting my running schedule up. Not exactly preparing for Nike race (i totally have no idea what's gonna happen), but praying hard that I won't be the last or any stupid stitches would just come along and bite my flabby stomach. I want to get the bracelet though - sounds exciting. Was quite proud of the fact that I didn't purchase fries to eat. Really glad.

But I don't know what happened then. Supposed to go to Daiso to have a Shopping Retail Therapy (SRT) session with Mich, but didn't cos the weather was heavy and we were all pretty shagged. Daiso is a potential place for me to have SRT, cheap and unique -Not a bad combi ah.

Buy some junk, throw at home, collect dust and Mom will scold. ( IS IT ME OR WHAT. WHY DOES IT RHYME!?)

So today, I did nothing much but just feeling horrible about yesterday. I'm living such a loser life.

Anyway, was surfing and came upon ADIDAS website.

Adidas is organizing a donation event. Where we are allowed to participate by just donating our old sports shoe of any brand to the adidas outlets(majority of them) and pick a brand new adidas sport shoes on the given shelf - and the best part is, you just have to pay a small part of the price! It's on till early Sep :(

Every 20 pairs of old stinky sports shoes you donate, 1 pair will be generated and given to the less fortunate. AWESOME OR WHAT. I'm gonna steal my dad's running shoe and mom's taichi shoe to donate! HAH! OKAY, i know the details are so little - Sorry. Just retyping whatever I read few hours ago. Check out the adidas website! The only reason it's here because I have alot of sporty friends. HAHA

I was thinking of donating my Adidas boots. BUT THEN WHAT THE HECK, IT IS THE PAIR THAT BROUGHT ME SO MUCH TEARS AND JOY AND GLORY TO THE TEAM MAN. I might just live in regret for the next 70 years of my life. And i just bought my Adidas sport shoe last year! As much as I would love to give it away, My mom would just kill me.

So fun! It reminds me of project work somehow. Woah, if we had this idea, I think it's awesome. AHAHAHA. On the other hand, I'm really glad you're gone, project work - and the Curtain Descends...

Sometimes, when I get all angst up for no apparent reason, I really wonder why am I getting so agitated over stuff that I don't even know. The feeling contains hatred, sympathy and apathy at the same time. SO TELL ME WHAT SHOULD I DO..................... No, actually, no thanks. Don't tell me what to do because i'm falling for you... OKAY THATS JUST A SONG I MADE UP. HAHA..
sometimes i tell myself "sleep lynette, sleep. then you won't have to face this world and live up to their expectations anymore."

2008-08-23T00:10:00.002+08:00

eat eat eat eat huh huh huh huh huh

eat till you die. stupid fat pig. GAH.

whole day only know how to eat and sleep and want to shit.

FAT BITCH TALKING.

2008-08-21T19:25:00.003+08:00

Monstrously got raped by math paper - deservingly for I didn't study for it as I was being suffocated by Suwen and Nica drawing men's groins. Lit wasn't that bad, I think. Definitely better than MYE'S. So far, GP, Econs and Lit P5 wasn't too bad - overall wise. Except Math. Oh god, when will I ever pass math?

To think, last year, at the end of promos I was so into math to the extent of going to changi airport the entire day and force myself to look at Pure Math purely. Then, Serena (ex-ex touchrugcoach) left us. Derelyn(excoach) came and touch rugby was like a new thing all over again. Being me, naturally I got more interested in the 'newer' thing, which is TouchRugby and there goes my resilience for Math. No doubt TouchRugby has trained us to be resilient and persevering. But for academics wise, it's slightly different. (except for the 'mugging' part) It's not about the process but the final plan. In TouchRugby games, the final score was never important, at first it was to us (newbies excited to win), but after defending with heart, and soul and body, we do realise that the process - where we play together, defend together, cry together and scream together was the most memorable thing.

Academics, different right? The final score does matter alot. A's matter. Prelims, Midyears don't. That's what I'm talking about.

I need to have a much more optimistic view. And should get rid of this lackadaisical attitude towards school and studies, of mine, at least for the next 5 years. And channel all these unknown forces of lackadaisical aura and divert it on people who requires immediate attention - like you know who. HAHAHAH aiyo nette, you are so bitchy. How come you come to jaysee already then become so bitchy huh huh huh huh

Other than that, I really hate school - sighs.

Okay, you know this 7pm show on channel 8? I don't know the title though I've been watching it since the first episode. It's the 4th episode now. And it's damn hilarious, in a way that this couple got married within 2 weeks. And before that, when they were kidnapped and almost killed at the same time, HE ACTUALLY PROPOSED TO HER LEH OMGAH. Funny or what. It's like "Will you marry me!?" "YES!!" And they DIDN'T DIE. Tada. So now they're gonna get married next week and the guy's mother is like one tough nut to crack.

Okay, next time don't get married. DON'T GET MARRIED OKAY I TELL YOU. Okay. Sian.
I don't know what I want and what to do.

I feel like killing myself now.

So much for asks and cylclical thing. :(

THIS IS FOR CHAN JIA YU :D

2008-08-16T13:35:00.002+08:00

Phelps!!!

PHELPS!!
LOCHTE!!!
LOCHTE AND PHELPSS!!! OMGAHHHHH

JAYJAY! HAHAHAHAHAHAH OMGAHHH okay, ryan lochte and michael phelps are like owning every event now. :) I'm very hei pi.

On the other hand, Olympics came at a very wrong time. HAHAHAHA. I'm quite glued to the TV now cos of all these swimming and running and gymnastics events. :O

They are very cute. Even my laoniang thinks so lorrrr :D So when my laoniang says so, all other opinions against them will be null and voided. I don't care. HAHAHAH

My favourite mug/cup, is the Olympics Swimming Glass Cup that I got from Macs while upsizing my McChicken Meal!!!! And to think when I wanted the onion rings, the cashier said I cannot have student meal, cos the onion rings don't come with student meals. So I had no choice.

But I'm glad I had no choice cos my 'no choice' got me a cup of the Olympics Swimming Category!!!

Okay, I'm very composed now. Really Composed. Yes, I am hen composed.

Othello, Lear, Joseph Schumpeter and Keynes all can go kill themselves right now. Official spoilers for the Olympics. GAHHH.

:D

If there was like Olympics for Rugby, it's really the end for my prelims already, Bye.

Classic Nonsense at 1245am

2008-08-16T00:40:00.002+08:00

j . h ♣ running out of time . . says:
look at jannie and u
j . h ♣ running out of time . . says:
drastic change ok
j . h ♣ running out of time . . says:
kj oso
j . h ♣ running out of time . . says:
the HAIR especially
i'll never let you find me says:
hahahaha
i'll never let you find me says:
OMG
i'll never let you find me says:
no have
j . h ♣ running out of time . . says:
u play rugby play until got long hair
i'll never let you find me says:
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Classic Nonsense, very classic especially from tanjunhong, likeomgahhh

-x-

You know, when I was younger, like really young, about primary 1 or 2. I used to cross out classmate's face whom I don't like on the class photo. HAHAHA it made me felt better after the crossing out.

On the good side: I was like eliminating them from my life, that year that I was with them. I was probably eliminating all the bad stuff that they did to me and whatever verbal assaults they said. (I was a prominent figure for the bullies cos I was ~~fat~~round.)

On the bad side: I was crossing their face. Making a target for myself to never stoop to a level as low as them and as if having power over them, I decide to choose I can cross out with them smiling at me because they can do nothing about it.

And there were serious cases like circling them, instead of crossing them out: that is to remember this fucked up face and never forget them, much less forgive.

Actually, I have no idea if all these actually happened, but it seems to in my memory, though very very very very vague.

And now, when I think about all these (assuming I really did it), I feel like a serial killer. HAHAHA. Of course all these psychotic stuff stopped at p3. Returned back at Sec1, and then stop before Sec 2 all the way till now. I was just wondering, if I did it again this time, will I feel better? After all there are pretty lots of crosses I had to draw on the picture.

wtf.

2008-08-14T21:04:00.003+08:00

I think my body was actually made for a very weak person. Probably for someone that lazes at home, falls sick 3/4 of the time, studies in the day, sleeps sufficiently, eats healthy food, has a very fair skin, cannot run or play sports, cannot stay up late, (whatever I'm doing..), etc. My body is meant to be fatter than the current situation.

In less than a month, I've fallen sick twice, this time, thrice, and it's always at the most inappropriate time.

First time: Just before wIll run additional runs for Miss Yeo and Cynthia.
Second time: One week after I "recovered" from First Time, I had fever, just before wIll run.

Third time aka now: 2 weeks after Second Time, on Minling's birthday celebration, and a few days before prelims.

Awesome \m/

2008-08-13T21:13:00.000+08:00

:(

Give me a good reason why am I online.

Garbage.

2008-08-12T21:33:00.004+08:00

With the many assurance from friends, I feel absolutely high and euphoric after getting to know that there will be no school on Thurs and Fri. Finally, serenity and peace - totally away from school and everybody - I like. (additional pros - sleeping very very in, and more time with etten, awesome.)

Word of the day for today (frequency of use): Awesome.

Been using it for quite a number of times today. Because I refuse to be left speechless by friends who irritate the shit out of me (I don't know why, but the numbers are like increasing everyday, I fear it's me, or I simply have a face that everybody likes to irritate:), so I'll "AWESOME!" in their face with a very excited face of mine and walk away - too tired to entertain. As much as I would like to take Ms Zeenat's stand of "I've come here to teach, not to entertain.", I can't possibly take the same stand, cos half of my life, I've been entertaining people, including people I don't like. I'm sorry for being hypocrite. The world taught me that.(HAHAHAHA) Awesome.

Something's that's been in my mind for quite sometime: I hate my class - in general.

I'm okay with individuals. I swear. But as whole, No thank you.

Stupid people who will like comment on the songs I/others listen to. Commenting's fine. Putting down's not fine - it pisses me off. I didn't even say anythng about your pop/dance kind of music which I would daresay is an embarrassment, in your case of putting my type of music down. So just shut the fuck up and the world will be a better place. You can go disintegrate from the face of the Earth, I won't bother.

Speaking of "face of the Earth", I realised that 1A04 DID disappear from the face of the Earth. Why? You mean, 2A04's a class? HAHAH. Where? Why? Besides assembling in a line as a class, where else? Oh er. Nothing else, my lord. Nothing.

And yeah, Nothing will come out of nothing and nobody gives a fuck about it cos it's eventually nothing. Started off with nothing and will definitely end off with nothing - logic what.

Some girls from girl's school disgust the shit out of me. Weister, you're one of the very very few that prevents me from stereotyping all of them.

I'm like wasting my fucking time on this fucked up bunch of group when I could have just done my fucked up econs homework. :(

and my mom thinks IM the one picking fights with my classmates. woah, awesome. Dear mom, the mistakes i've done, as compared to them, may be offset by the amount of fucked up stuff they've done. Wait, the first thing, I didn't even commit any single mistake - ahh yes, maybe scoring badly for O's and choosing SR and my current combi. These might be the only mistakes and I feel that there's no one, except myself that I've to account for.

oi, please, don't try to gain sympathy. don't try to fish for compliments. just don't fucking try.

Absolutely.

2008-08-10T15:22:00.005+08:00

08-08-08 Friday.

It was wifey's birthday. I absolutely love her. (: Glad she liked the presents we got her - Yellow Braziliano Praia and NUM shirt. (together with her ~~num guy~~, IM JUST KIDDING)

And so, her celebration, as "planned" by the guys, was held yesterday. I thought it was pretty awesome, except the unplanned dinner part where we had it at Kartini restaurant at Parkway. It's was awesometastically expensive, judging from the portion of food they gave us, and knowing that the boys especially weechew and junhong are bottomless pits, the food wasn't enough. No lor, not only them, in fact I felt hungry after eating the dinner too, which is really really very rare. And my plate was clean in about half an hour. HAH! Many of them had 2 servings though. Other than dinner, everything was great and finally, after being in Parkway for 3 times, they allowed me eat my long awaited Venezia ice cream. HAHA! Rum and Raisins with Dark Chocolate, AWESOME YO!

Oh, and we watched The Mummy, acted by Jet Li. It was good I think. As agreed by both Kahjun and Me, there was a certain amount of humour in it. Especially the skeleton soldiers. "EH YOUR HEAD!" HAHAH. I laughed like crap. But it was pretty scary. Got me thinking, what if those archaelogists didn't managed to like "kill" the terracotta emperor that got cursed 2000 years ago and was raised up by this Soldier that wanted the Emperor to rule over all over again at the year of 1946? Basket.

I think if the Emperor did succeed in killing off all those archaelogist, I'd
most probably be using a brush to pen down my thoughts (cursing on the way) and
after that, practising my sword skills in the back yard later on. Totally can't
imagine. Oh, with such traditional culture, I can totally see my mom forcing me
into dresses and meeting other random blind dates, and she'll be at home the
entire day, with me. Not to mention, instead of rugby, I'll most probably be
learning kung fu and aiming to beat the pugilists of everywhere (with reference
to today's context - the nationals) and my mother would be so against it that
she'll lock me in the room, arrange a marriage for me with another family of
similar background. And me, being me, will most probably dress up like a guy,
sneak out of the house and roam around the city, incidentally finding true love
and then escaping the clutches of my mom, his mom and the world.
And in school, instead of Plath, Shakespeare and Sexton, I'll most probably
be learning Li Bai's poems, 300 TangShi Poems and... (ironically, these are the
only 2 poetry I can think of right now, TILL now). School will have an easier
time. There will be no need to catch girls folding their skirts cos they're all
awesometastically long or boys having long hair cos they ARE supposed to have
long hair and girls SHOULD let down their hair. They don't really have to bother
about us wearing drawstrings anymore cos we are all supposed to tuck in our
shirts just below our breasts. Yup, that's right and life would be so
boring.

HAH! AWESOME IMAGINATION I TELL YOU. yet corny at the same time. If only I can put all these braincells into Econs, I would have utter analysis and awesome elaboration of my policies on how to improve the economy Singapore. AHH. Awesome dream.

Ended up at ECP and chilled at some pub with a pretty good outdoor ambience.

And we ended off here.

Has anybody realised that I've been bloggin on a Tuesday, Saturday, Sunday basis? NO RIGHT? I KNEW IT BYE

Identity.

2008-08-09T10:45:00.002+08:00

The normal half an hour bus ride seemed incredibly long. I never knew that. It was probably due to the fact that I've been sleeping in the buses almost everyday whenever I travel to school. Almost everyday. The opportunity cost - special moments with yourself. I regret sleeping on buses after yesterday. The serenity that one experiences when you're all alone in your own world with the boundaries set up by your long term best friend - the Ipod, you can't help but feel a sense of nostalgia at that very moment. All the nonchalence that I've been displaying into school towards people around me does go to waste whenever I'm alone. As much as I always claim that I hate myself, I'm actually still quite frank with myself. Too tired to lie and do a facade in front of the mirror.

School makes me tired. Tired of breathing in the mephitic vapour that's creeping around in school. Tired of the vituperations that are being exchanged among so many people. Tired of deluding people. Tired of pretending.

To compensate myself, I'll make my future, which includes (next 8 years):

- NUS FASS & AAAB & appear on the school's screen for A's.
- Contact Rugger/Blacks
- Photography.
- Roaming around the world for a few months
- Going to all over the world to try all the theme parks
- Try not to get hurt all over again.

I wish I could bubblewrap my heart

in case I fall and break apart

I'm not God I can't change the Stars

I don't know if there's life on Mars

But I know you've hurt

The people that you love

And those who cared for you

I want nothing to do

With the things you're going through

This is the last time

I give up this heart of mine

I'm telling you that

I'm a broken man who's finally realised

Standing in Moonlight

But you're black on the inside

Do you think you ought to cry?

This is Goodbye.

I'm a little dazed and confused

Life's a bitch, so are you.

All my days have turned into nights

Cos living without without you in my life

And you wrote a book

About how to be aliar and lose all your friends

I mean nothing at all

Cos I'm just another ghost that's been in your bed.

Do you think you ought to cry?

This is Goodbye.

This is the Joke

2008-08-05T22:23:00.001+08:00

2008-08-03T22:58:00.003+08:00

I had a weird dream last night. It was pretty corny. I dreamt that I was hugging this stranger who looked very familiar and crying my guts out. No conversation, but just mutual huggings - for quite a long period of time.

I felt better after the sleep. (I hope I really did) Woke up at 1030 with no intentions of watching my frog show, but watched it while painting - apparently more interested in Mingdao than the empty canvas in my face.

I feel like I'm screwing things up. I need to press on.

Actually, I'm lying, I don't feel any better.

give me a push

----

all for the love for shawn tiangster, i'm actually doing functions for him. OMG.

2008-08-02T22:28:00.002+08:00

I can't freaking paint right now, as much as I really want to cos time is really frigging running out. I just can't do a perfect piece of painting and how am I going to tell Miss kwa that I want to do a painting in my final and that my painting does not suck like what she said?

I think all the anger and frustrated thoughts about Ms Kwa saying that I can't paint good stuff has gotten into me to the extent that throughout that 1 hour of trying to paint a perfect piece, her face kept appearing in my mind and the words she said about me painting kept echoing in my head. It's horrible. I don't know why am I feeling like this cos usually, I don't really get so affected to what she says. Perhaps it's just the 12km run? Or perhaps, I'm like fighting for myself - finally? I DON'T WANT TO DO A COLOUR PENCIL FOR MY FINAL. WALAO. I'M SO IRRITATED LA.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY EVERYONE MUST DO THIS TO ME. So is it like if you're neither the best, nor the worst, you have to accept whatever people throw at you? Is it like if you're the best, you create your own ideas and when you suck, you totally give up? So the average people just have to accept whatever people tell them because they don't have the choice to choose whatever they want to do cos simply, they're average? It's so unfair! The best always get their way within minutes and average have to work so extremely hard to get to where the best are. It's totally not fair because I don't even have the chance to give up right now. If everything was for myself, I would have given all these up. But the fact that I'm in this fucking tertiary institution for my parents, and some other significant group of people and a beloved sport makes things super hard for me to get by. And some people are just not sensitive enough. It's not that I only have school work to get through, what about friends? What about family? What about myself? Why can't people just give me the assurance and consolation that I fucking need at this point of time instead of making me feel so downright horrible by just casting me one side? Because I'm not good enough?

Because I'm not good enough?

I was never good enough. Never.

Some friends are just not there, teachers just had to be like this and parents keep asking me to eat and sleep at the weirdest time for god knows why. And I just happened to be born emotional. People don't understand. They think being in a JC is big fuck and they want to live my life. If you know that most of the blog entries were typed while crying, JC life suck big time. And fuck it if you think I chose to be in a JC. Just fuck it.

And why is it that everyone must be soo fucking competitive? Are you all upholding the quote of "Only the fittest survive"? We are not animals, so why must we compete to the extent that blood and tears must be shed by one for another's happiness?

fuck it.

I miss..

2008-07-29T18:19:00.006+08:00

The Rugby Comp. Team (although in this picture, i am very dirty. :),

jacq n saliva,

the coterie - saliva, nette, jiajia,weister (feat jacq[above] and...

valerie, who wasn't there to take a photo with us, but she's in the coterie no doubt.

My loves. 9 of you (including clint's ghostly apparition),

Soy,

TKHGEORGE AND SIRHAN H,

NCCCCCCC ,

Feeza FISH..

There are many more actually, but I don't have the photos of some. So I guess, i'll just have to end here. Moreover, the main aim of this post is to tell you that I've won the battle of the Z-monster.

Okay Bye.

I miss and love gilbert.

WHY SO SERIOUS?

2008-07-29T17:06:00.002+08:00

The weirdest thing of all is to have a Mac software on my computer. :S I've never been a Mac fan. The only apple device that has been quite friendly to me would be the Ipod Classic. But other than that, I guess I'll have to say goodbye. It took me quite awhile to realise the function of right clicking on a Mac computer and that if you hover your mouse over the top of the screen, the entire screen changes to a window mode where you can view all windows at a single glance.

Okay, the main thing is that since I use Ipod, it's a no wonder thing that I should be using iTunes too, right? So yeah, I use iTunes. One day iTunes was begging to be updated, so I update, allowing everything that was on the "you should update these"list - Not knowing that I've allowed the 'Safari' to install on my poor computer which is running on low memory already. GAHH, so now, I'm using Safari, reluctant about deleting it away cos it's quite nice to use (don't ask why/how cos the 'nice' that I'm using is rather intangible.) But still quite hesitant about leaving it on my comp due to low memory.

Okay lah, I think I'll just leave it, until my computer has NO space at all. I seriously think it's pretty cool. Really. I mean, Mac users all seem to be quite atas one. So I shall see what's so atas about using the safari in a Macbook. (alright, I shall stop giving excuses for myself already)

I'm really sleepy these few days due to the medication that I'm taking to cure my nonsense drama nose and head, thus, I'm unable to perform any action on my notes and books and stuff, which sucks by the way because exams are no friggin joke and time is really really really running out, like what the hell lah. Oh, and I have not ran this week. Sickening.

As we speak, my eyelids are drooping and my voice, getting lower and my nose, running faster and faster. But I have to battle against the Z-monster, and befriend my enemies. In other words, I just have to work now. like NOW.

I just yawned, btw. gah

Irreplaceable.

2008-07-27T18:47:00.003+08:00

Hi,

So I did go for the celebration last night (thank God I did) at the expense of of tissue paper which was running out at an increasing rate. I'm kinda lazy to upload Clint's photo, but I guess not, for it wasn't a really happy day for him as Jannie wasn't there and Car left halfway to drink with her friends. I guess no matter how great and expensive was the present that we bought for him, without a special someone, the present is nothing. But it was her choice, and I'm proud of the fact that she accounted for her actions, though her presence there would definitely better than the account. But oh well. For the other, I don't know. I'm as speechless as you 7 boys.

Now, I'm paying for the crazy night I had last night. I've received fever and flu from God, probably a punishment for enjoying the shit out of myself and even had the intention to drink. But Mat didn't really allow. Cos he knows that my Mom would probably freaked out and I won't be able to chill out late anymore. I think I can hold my liquor well leh - not that I've tried before, but I think I know where to stop. Moreover, I think the maximum those guys will allow would probably be a cup? No - probably not. The last time we played some drinking games with alcohol as the forfeit, Mathew drank for me. GAH I FEEL LIKE A LOSER NOW. (At least I don't drink when I'm hungry and let myself starve to death, youknow youknow.) Let's just wait till I'm 18(which isn't very far away) and we'll speak about such stuff again.

So I'm frigging sick - with every intention to pon because I can't be bothered. But I'll still complete my homework, considering the fact that I should be responsible and yadayadaalltheshitstuffaboutmoralsandvalueswouldgohere.

This is my friend, Yup, he's usually this spastic but I love it when he plays the drums. HAH!

Okay, so, I'm hungry.

The LAST straw

2008-07-26T17:10:00.003+08:00

I did crap today because I fell sick. I'm so friggin lousy, I can't stand it. While typing this entry, I'm breaking out in cold sweat due to sneezing like a frog for the past few hours while watching WZBQW on youtube just now despite being in an aircon room. And NOW, I have to attend a birthday celebration which I really want to go, but don't know can make it anot as you all know, night times are like the only time for me to study, not forgetting the fact that now I'm sick, terribly. I don't know what to wear later either.

Good news is that I've watched till the episode that Mingdao fell in love back with QIAOEN and this makes me feel way much better emotionally. But the pressure of A's now is able to offset any pleasing feeling I would be feeling for the next ten years. The impact is so powderful I tell you that it's similar to the bombings at Hiroshima and Nagasaki a few decades back.

I'm cold now. You won't blame me for attending the celebration in my OHSOSHUAI windbreaker right?

I demand an explanation for my useless body. Can't even run. Not even nice. Might as well just go and die.

GAHH, I need to go bathding now. Byeworld. OH! I NEED TO UPLOAD NICE GROUP PHOTOS ON THE TOUCH RUG BLOG SO THAT THEY WILL PICK ONE WITH A CHIO-ER US. HAHAHAH OKAY BYE

Out of my head

2008-07-25T23:00:00.004+08:00

I miss playing game with some of the guys. It's been awhile since we met up to play on saturdays. I think the last time was during the June holidays? Which is like more than a month already. So there's Boony, Willy, Eddy, Geoffrey, Desmond, James, etc. GAHH. Okay, we should meet up, army boys. Too long breaks are no good :( But then again, I really need to catch up on sleep during saturdays as I WILL wake up early on Sundays to watch my drama... -.-

Anyway, finally played like a proper game with the juniors. They've improved! Better than before and I hope the change would be constant. HEH. So, makaned with coterie, brigs, ting, jamie, pat and bf chester, which was so freaking funny because of certain rated stuff we were talking about - despite the presence of guys which we didn't give any hoots about because they are guys and will always be guys.

And jamie is like stalking me again. HAHAHAHAHAHHA IM KIDDING EDMUND, DON'T TRY TO SAVE JIAYU'S LIFE ANYMORE. YOU ARE INDIRECTLY KILLING HER. LOL

The school's being slightly bitchy because of the donation cards. I think donation cards irritate the shit outta me (and my other friends) and remembering the fact that they have 4 different collection dates in total, where they expect you to keep increasing the amount you've collected on behalf of the school. Which is quite stupid because what me and my classmates are doing, is to fork out our own money and say that we collected from other people. Indirectly, we are the sole donaters of our card. I've been slicing my own allowance into tinier pieces for various reasons - ART, taking up almost everything, food - like my daily dosage of fruit tart and soon to be chengtng and printing of notes - which is like duh since our class owes Uncle Henry (bookshop unlce) $146+. GAHHH I want to declare bankrupt, but I think if I were to declare bankrupt, they'll take away my precious stuff like camera, card reader, handphone, laptop, valuable notes.. etc. AND OMG MY RUGBY BALL!? NO WAY YO.

I think I sound like a lunatic now (like what's new) and sudden craving for Aston's. (sylvia hint hint:) Okay, I miss the coterie right now despite just seeing them like few hours ago, playing our common game together. :(

SUPERDUPERTIREDANDISTILLGOT2FULLLENGHtECONSESSAYWOOOSH

2008-07-24T20:10:00.003+08:00

So I felt really uncomfortable today despite not eating which I clearly do not know the reason why. But the completion of 9.5km within 2 days is quite happening for me. Especially today's 4km run with jiajia, owning~! We didn't stop at all for 3.2km straight. COOL RIGHT. NO!? I THINK IT'S VERY COOL.

Other than that, yogi created a blog(like WOW) and I miss him like crazyyyyyyy. HAHA :D

I'm pretty tired right now. Think I'll have more crap to type tmr or something. Mathew's birthday and BATMAN were thumbs up.

till then, with jac bb:D

BYE

2008-07-22T00:13:00.001+08:00

YES. YES! YES!

my niang says that MINGDAO IS HOT. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

MINGDAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. (:

okay bye, friggin sick.

The world lost a great actor.

2008-07-20T17:30:00.003+08:00

"Do you want to know how I got my scars?"

"You see, my dad, was a drunkard. And whenever he was drunk, which is most of the time, he will hit my mom. And one day, he took the knife and started slashing my mom into pieces. I saw everything. Then, he turned to me, and asked me, 'Why so serious?' Which then, he put the blade into my mouth and did this*"

*this = putting the blade into the sides of the mouth and pulling it upwards on both side, making a smile.

Like this:

Ruggers don't die so easily

2008-07-15T18:39:00.003+08:00

Ruggers don't die so easily.

I'm gonna persevere on and get the grades I want and get in into NUS FASS & rugby team.

Because Ruggers don't die so easily.

I didn't go through training for nothing.

WTH?!

2008-07-14T21:33:00.003+08:00

GAHHH I can't believe this, I'm actually feeling horrible over a Taiwan drama that's playing the second time currently in Singapore every sundays from 10-12pm. I'm feeling horrible because, the male lead, which is Dangou has regained his memory and leaves Tianyu (and his new life) to go back to his fiancee and old life - which is of a wealthy hotel manager.(I WAS CRYING LIKE MAD OKAY) And double whammy to me because I was so damn tired on saturday from gp in the morning till noon and studying from noon till 5 plus, I zonked out the minute I got home and slept till sunday 1pm. Indirectly, I'm here to complain that I missed a total of 2 whoopping episodes of this drama(AND MINGDAO! OMG) and had to spend my entire week's allowance on buying the VCD which cost me another whoopping $26.90 apart from my Art fares because I couldn't stand the fact of being slower in this so called marathon with the TV station.

I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BOTH OF THEM WHEN I WAS SLEEPING OMG!.

and much to my dismay, they both fell out and he hates the daylight out of her right now. For your info, that was the third whammy for me. *stabs self repeatedly in chest. Like seriously.

I think I shouldn't get so serious about this drama because in reality, ~~ceteris paribus assumption does not hold~~ this doesn't really happen. And even if it were to happen, I don't think the guy would be so hot as Mingdao. HAHAHA (SHUTUP). So anyway, as I was saying,

I think (again) that this Taiwan drama is just another medium for me to vent my anger, to have someone to scold at(OMG I TELL YOU THE FIANCEE....... must get slapped), and use the current situation that Tianyu (female lead) is facing right now as an excuse for me to bawl my eyes out (it works you know, one minute I was crying my soul out because he left her, and before she could even cry, certain parts of my life flashes infront of me and I'll continuing crying like mad - still crying when the female lead got consoled and comforted while I have nothing but a few cheapskate pillows from Ikea to cry into and hug.)

Okay, now that I've blogged out my frustrations for the moment, I shall go do some work so relief myself from the guilt that I've been carrying for the past week or so due to friggin A's.

On a lighter side, I realised I typed alot of long sentences in this post and Mustafa Shopping centre seems to be a rather happening place to shop at for both Art and Wayang accesories because they have EVERYTHING - including stamps for Miss Tan so that she'll stop stamping the "Parent's Signature" thing on our papers and instead, stamp some stuff like 3 stars or a monkey all over saying "Good work!". That would surely help. I think I might just supply her with that. Sound exciting?

Oh no, that's a pretty long sentence too.

2008-07-13T23:02:00.002+08:00

Quite appalled at the fact that the choices that many people choose to forgo is actually way bigger than the one they've chosen. I don't get it - last time, but after a walk under similar void decks and around the soccer court, I realised the reason for choosing it - Passion. Something that many of us have to forgo for the sake of monetarial reasons, which apparently suck.

To think about, being materialistic isn't that bad either. Shopping therapy? Sounds cool. I guess it's the perspective that one sees things. Shopping therapy "heals" both body and the mind. But what about the duration? Is it for long? Or only for the moment. And will Shopping Therapy make things worse? Like regret - for buying the wrong item and the wrong time. I don't know, but for me, shopping therapy works well for me - at times when I have the money that is.

Money gets you alot of things. Money gets you grades, your cert, your education, your knowledge, your house, your comfort, your reputation, leisure, and probably memories. People always question "what about love? Money can't get you love." I supposed so. But without money, how strong is the love? No doubt Love will be present because it is the thing that causes 2 souls or more to be intertwined, but the ending entirely depends on the individual her/his self. Are you willing to go through thick and thin with your half? Are you sure? Are you saying this just that you'll win this so-called argument? Or probably to save your reputation of being a nice person? I don't know, as I've said, it depends on the individual.

The reason of this post is to tell you that: I've bought my Qing Wa Bian Wang Zi VCD and I'm absolutely in love with DangOu/Mingdao. This sucks.

2008-07-12T20:04:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, I wish I can just erase part of my memories or probably all. Sometimes I wish I was like a programmed robot - trained to do technical stuff without any feelings or whatever because such stuff just hurt so bad at times. :( But then again, I wouldn't want to sacrifice all the good times I had with my friends just because of a small issue that I'm sure that I'll get over it in a matter of time. Wait, will I even get over it and live life the way it is?

The meeting with Jannie and Pseng was outrageously random. It was after art and a few rounds around the track that left me both mentally and physically drained (art kills, fyi) to the extent that I slept in 72 all the way till tampines. And Pseng, whom Jannie supposedly called first came extremely late. HAHAHAH. As usual, Pseng without his usual tardiness is NOT Pseng. He even attempted to be serious with the both of us, like wth. After goofing around with us for about 4 years and now you tell me you want to be serious!? PSENG! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!! LOL. But the meet-up was both a good and bad one - good because I got to see the both of them (:, bad because I ate back everything I ran at Popeye's. Sian diao.

Anyway, the trip back home with Pseng was weirdly intellectual, considering the fact that in the past when the both of us chill together, we rarely talk about stuff that requires thinking (although more than half the time it would be me teasing him like FREEE) because, I don't know, it's just not like the both of us to confide in each other. Probably because he was reallly kiddy last time and was a hardcore emo kid that listens to his punk-rock-screamo-EMO-grunge songs on his phone while we were talking. So like half the time, he'll be in his own emo-dark-sorcery-filled world. heh.

Oh yes, it was weirdly intellectual because he asked questions that I would never have imagined to be asked, or to be coming from him, yes, especially him, like of all people, him. To the extent I think I was pretty natural infront of him for the first time. So we talked about Trust, Reasons of joing rugby when I know I'm gonna get injured for sure, Feelings, haircuts, people in my school thinking i'm gay, people in my school thinking that long hair=attached, etc (you know, the usual topics that emo kids will talk about yadayada).

Pseng! NI ZHANG DA LE. HAHAHAHAH.

Anyway, Jannie was saying I sound weird calling her 'Jannie' in real life cos I've never really called her by "Jannie" It's always "WIFEY, wife, qwahqwah, chen!" And yeah, I found it pretty weird too :) It's ok. HAHAHA.

So it was a sudden realisation that Passion & Money is a hard combination to come by - at least for me.

I need to save:

$26.90 for my Wang Zi Bian Qing Wa VCD.
$17 for my BodyShop spray. GAHHH.

& I just realised that I have not uploaded the Beach Touch photos. :(

2008-07-11T23:25:00.003+08:00

I don't understand myself, seriously. I don't understand why do I get (s0) affected by something that is totally not related to me at all. It is very irritating for me. It takes awhile for me to get composed and reflect about the things that I did at the point of insanity - which often ends up with me being utterly embarrassed (not like I've not done any embarrassing things when I'm clearly not insane.) *rolls eyes.

Also, I tend to execute stupid strategies when adrenaline is pumping like mad. Like unknowingly grabbing someone's hand while playing catching - like wth right? And I only realised it when the stupid person held on back to my hand. (like why on earth do you hold hands with someone that sudden grabs your hand!?), then I was like thinking "Shit man, what the heck am I holding?! Shitshitshit, I'm holding on to someone. OMG IT'S YOU. SHIT" - and this often results in both parties breaking out in different shades at red and claiming that it's the heat from all the running. Shoepid. And when I got back home, I couldn't believe I did such a stuff. I feel so disgusted with myself, like totally. *like please kill yourself, now.*

GOOGOOGAHGAHHH!

I think photography has both it's pros and cons (okay, I know this is totally random, still...)

Bye.

2008-07-10T19:55:00.003+08:00

"can you revert back to your old self and let me hug you one last time? just for 10seconds. be like who you were last time. only 10seconds. and after that, i'll pretend that i've never known you."

"why should i?"

"because.."

"say it if you have the guts."

"because, I miss you."

Pre Beach Touch Symptoms

2008-07-04T23:08:00.002+08:00

I never knew having a portable PC could be so cool. :D & I bought it in the name of Art. Anyway, the main point is that, tomorrow's BEACH TOUCH DAY! Coolios man. I can't wait to get tanned all over again (familiar eh). And Vic's house after Sentosasing. BERRY COOL WORX.

Art today was fun. Miss Yeo was saying that HanPin's name sounded like "Humping" whenever we call him. It was damn funny la, the poor boy wasn't even doing anything to defend himself. LOL.

So, I bought tanning oil despite the fact that JY said not to because Val and Jacq has it. I think I'll be using it in the near future also, so why not just invest now? Maybe I'll be more broke in the future than I am currently right now. No thanks to school. (roll eyes). And i'll be using it TOMORROW for beach touch and come back home to scare the hell out of my mother because she hates me being tanned and under the sun for long hours. HAHAHA. I love my laoma and laopa man.

AND due to the fact that it is a new comp, it doesn't have Adobe flash player, MSN, iTunes yadayada. I only transfered David Cook's Always Be My Baby from my cellphone. This makes me very sad (Wtf) because I can't get to play my Mingdao videos and songs. :( I don't want to live anymore, just kidding. I think Emelle will kill me when she sees this and Cynthia too - cos she thinks Ethan RUAN is hotter. HAHAHAH. Whatever, we're crazy over some guy that doesn't even know about our existence. School drives us mad and to desperation. TSK.

(I keep forgetting about the mouse. -.-)

Okay la, I hate to admit to embarassing stuff, but the reason why I am blabbering non-stop is because the keyboard is berry nice to type. HAHAHAHA. And they gave me a free wireless mouse! Everything is wireless nowadays. So scary. Can we have ~~wireless~~brainless exams too? JUST KIDDING OH C'MON.

BYE! time to pack for beach touch:D

2008-07-03T23:43:00.003+08:00

It's been 10 years.

10 long years. From 8 to 18. From a netballer to a touch rugger. From a PriSchool kid to a JC student. From taking for granted to missing.

So, my very happening Uncle from Finland just left after supper-ing and chit chatting. OKAY, I'd probably will say this but yeah, I think after 10 years of not seeing him, I do miss him. Afterall he used to spoilt me with alot of gifts like a keyboard, clothes and accessories(the girly era) and is always siding me (LOL, till now!). He supports the fact that we all should have some sports regime and that getting tan is cool. Also, that getting tied down too early wouldn't be nice for me.

& my mom attempted to sell me off again. HAHAHA. sian.

He's back without my sis and kids to work. So, it's quite sian for him cos he wants to go back to Finland asap. And why am I telling you about my Uncle? It's MY Uncle btw. Stupid me. I WANT TO SEE MY NEPHEWS, THEY ARE BERRY CUTE. HEHEX. And of all things to take back, my sis wanted chilli and curry powder - of all things. HAHAH.

2008-07-02T23:53:00.002+08:00

Why must everybody I know, leave me one day?

And now, as a matter of factly - why must you leave us now? To think we thought that it was pretty awkward when you first joined us, and now? You're leaving, and probably never looking back again, which I pray not.

Why must people leave? Is it me or what? If it's me, can you all don't leave and let me leave instead?

I can't cope with losses. I really can't.

You were our inspiration. You'll always be.